List Of Employees Comic Strips - Page 72

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

721 Results for List Of Employees

View 711 - 720 results for list of employees comic strips. Discover the best "List Of Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Lazy People Are Efficient

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lazy People Are Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #efficient, #projects, #lazy, #assignments, #useful

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Still Get Paid

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Still Get Paid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #unreliable, #false, #true, #paid, #process, #believe, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.

Customers Are Dead People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Customers Are Dead People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #customer, #lists, #dead, #alive, #lie, #activist, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people. boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products. dilbert: did they die while using them? boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.

Teamwork But

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teamwork But - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #business, #teamwork, #limit, #competition, #salary, #funds, #battle, #meeting, #thinking, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."

Taking Time Off

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Taking Time Off - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #vacation, #paid time off, #critical, #essential, #system, #migration, #kidding, #success, #zoom, #call, #valuable, #asset, #engagement

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.

Must Register To Date

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Must Register To Date - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #love & dating, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #human resources, #new, #dating, #register, #link, #details, #laptop

View Transcript

Transcript

boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.

Loser Detector

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loser Detector - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #invention, #losers, #accurate, #detection, #pings, #backwards, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.

Elbonian Hackers Attack

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Elbonian Hackers Attack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #elbonian, #hackers, #attack, #stole, #database, #ranking, #employee, #haircuts, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.

Feral Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Feral Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Half Of Employees Like Tails

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Half Of Employees Like Tails - Dilbert by Scott Adams