List Of Employees Comic Strips - Page 72
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721 Results for List Of Employees
View 711 - 720 results for list of employees comic strips. Discover the best "List Of Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday January 31,
2021
Lazy People Are Efficient
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #efficient, #projects, #lazy, #assignments, #useful
Transcript
wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.
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Wednesday January 20,
2021
Still Get Paid
Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #unreliable, #false, #true, #paid, #process, #believe, #sarcasm
Transcript
tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.
Monday January 25,
2021
Customers Are Dead People
Tags #business, #business ethics, #customer, #lists, #dead, #alive, #lie, #activist, #sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people. boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products. dilbert: did they die while using them? boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.
Tuesday January 26,
2021
Teamwork But
Tags #technology, #business, #teamwork, #limit, #competition, #salary, #funds, #battle, #meeting, #thinking, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."
Sunday April 04,
2021
Taking Time Off
Tags #business, #technology, #video call, #vacation, #paid time off, #critical, #essential, #system, #migration, #kidding, #success, #zoom, #call, #valuable, #asset, #engagement
Transcript
boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.
Saturday May 01,
2021
Must Register To Date
Tags #business, #love & dating, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #human resources, #new, #dating, #register, #link, #details, #laptop
Transcript
boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.
Sunday June 27,
2021
Loser Detector
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #invention, #losers, #accurate, #detection, #pings, #backwards, #sarcasm
Transcript
in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.
Monday June 14,
2021
Elbonian Hackers Attack
Tags #business, #business ethics, #elbonian, #hackers, #attack, #stole, #database, #ranking, #employee, #haircuts, #sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.