Company Comic Strips - Page 72
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882 Results for Company
View 711 - 720 results for company comic strips. Discover the best "Company" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday December 31,
2013
Tags business ethics, efficiency experts, gloves, foot in glove
Transcript
Dogbert: I'll teach you the best practices of companies that have nothing in common with yours. Those practices will fit your company like a foot in a glove. Boss: Close enough. Dogbert Consults
Wednesday January 29,
2014
Tags cowardice, terrorists, international terrorist, cancel order, big hit earnings, decimate value, stock options, transfer, poor safety record
Transcript
Dilbert: I discovered that the customer for our fleet sale of commercial drones is an international terrorist. Now we have to cancel the order, take a big hit to earnings, and decimate the value of your stock options in the company. CEO: Or... I could transfer you to a department that has a poor safety record and hope for the best.
Tuesday February 11,
2014
Tags allegiance, patents, corporate secuirty, shadowy figure, secrets, offering, alternatives, repeat business
Transcript
Boss: If a shadowy figure offers to buy company secrets, what should you do? Dilbert: How much is he offering? Boss: That shouldn't matter. Dilbert: How can I compare alternatives? Wally: Would there be any repeat business in this scenario? Corporate Security
Wednesday February 12,
2014
Tags conversation, executives, leadership, acceptable behavior, alight goals, company objectives, deal directly, conflict, maintain positive attitude, impressive
Transcript
CEO: Who's up for some leadership? Watch me define acceptable behavior, align your goals with company objectives, prioritize respect, deal directly with conflict, maintain a positive attitude, and pretend to care! Wally: That would be impressive. CEO: Settle down, Bilbo.
Monday March 17,
2014
Tags work ethic, brain wash, company profits, more imprtant, employers engagement, 12 hour days, work for money
Transcript
Catbert: I'm going to brainwash you to believe company profits are more important than your health. It's called "employee engagement," and it will make you work 12-hour days while thinking you enjoy every minute of it. Dilbert: Can I just work for money? Catbert: Why are you being a jerk about this?
Saturday March 29,
2014
Tags miserliness, wages, good work, saves billons, no raise, personal item, on desk, insoubordination, abuse of power, boss, money
Transcript
Boss: Alice, your good work has saved the company over a billion dollars. But I can't give you a raise because you once had a personal item on your desk. Alice: How are those things equal?!! Boss: And here comes the insubordination.
Tuesday April 08,
2014
Tags injured ceo, rolex watches, steamer trunk, freak accident, helicopter, yacht, company ceo, time flys, having funds, intern, comments, company, employees, office gossip, business
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO was injured when a steamer trunk full of Rolex watches fell out of his luggage helicopter and landed on his yacht. Asok: They say time flies then you're having funds. Alice; Out intern is growing up so fast. Asok: The walk-off is what sells it!
Friday April 18,
2014
Tags conversation, origin story, company, need, various things, clear, boss, request, office, request secretary, write up story, business
Transcript
Boss; Tina, I need you to write a company "Origin Story." All the cool companies have them. Tina: Why? Boss: Why? Well, for starters, we need it for various things and so on. I don't think I can be any clearer. Tina: I don't think you can, either.
Sunday April 27,
2014
Tags business ethics, deception, new business strategy, laptop, coffee shop, public access, wifi, hackers, strategy document, sell secrets, competitors, business strategy, break in
Transcript
Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.
Sunday May 04,
2014
Tags inventions, thinking, product ideas, billion dollar ideas, unwilling, corporation, dumb person idea, pretend, drone that attacks, wooden screen phone
Transcript
Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?


