Job Comic Strips - Page 72
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936 Results for Job
View 711 - 720 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday June 02,
2014
Tags hypocrisy, managers & supervisors, wages, world records set, best employee, job performance, no raise, drug enhancing drugs, injected against will, leadership, business, money
Transcript
Boss: You've set several world records for best employee job performance. But I can't give you a raise because you used job performance enhancing drugs. Dilbert: You injected me against my will. Boss: It would be leadership if you wanted to do it.
Tuesday June 03,
2014
Tags disciplines, horns, injected, magic, spell remover, tail, work ethic, performance enhancing, drugs, boss injected
Transcript
Dilbert: Our boss injected me with job performance enhancing drugs. Wally: Job performance be gone! Apparently, I can do that now. Asok: I must find more disciples.
Friday June 06,
2014
Tags apathy, managers & supervisors, buried alive, burlap bag, starving rats, fix everything, business
Transcript
Boss: So... how's your job going? Dilbert: It's like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats. Boss: And I'm back to not caring. Dilbert: How long will it take you to fix everything?
Saturday June 07,
2014
Tags business people, engineers, skunks, spray perfumr, marketing, engineer, resist killing, terrific job, business, engineering
Transcript
INTRODUCTIONS Coworker: My name is Alan, and my job in Marketing is to spray perfume on skunks. Dilbert: I'm Dilbert. My job as an engineer is to resist killing Alan. Coworker: You're doing a terrific job. Dilbert: Stop spraying me with perfume! Introductions
Monday June 09,
2014
Tags deception, work ethic, huge losses, stock up, big raise, similar system, lowering expectations, employee of the year, job perfromance
Transcript
Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!
Tuesday June 24,
2014
Tags interviews, job interview, spare time, questions, visit orphanges, back rubs, babies, practiced question
Transcript
JOB INTERVIEW Boss: So... what do you like to do in your spare time? Interviewee: Um... I visit orphanages and give back rubs to babies. Boss: Maybe you should have practiced for that question. Interviewee: And I bike there because I'm so green.
Sunday June 29,
2014
Tags computers & peripherals, cruelty, tech supprt, highly trained engineer, electrical engineer, most proabable, reinstalled software, rebooted, default, request
Transcript
Dogbert: This is tech support. How may I help you? Dilbert: Before we start, I need to tell you that I'm a highly trained electrical engineer. I have already eliminated all of the most probable causes of my issue. I have reinstalled the software and I have rebooted several times. So please, if you have any respect for humanity, do not start this call by insisting that I reboot again. Can you do that? Can you not ask me to reboot as your first suggestion? Dogbert: Try rebooting. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Dogbert: I kinds love my job.
Thursday July 10,
2014
Tags deception, work ethic, growth hacker, web apps, perfect job, growth hackers, do nothing, work from home
Transcript
Wally: We need a "growth hacker" for our web apps. I think I'd be perfect for that job. Boss: I've heard of growth hackers, but I have no idea what they do all day. You could do nothing and I wouldn't know the difference. Wally: And I could work from home.
Tuesday August 12,
2014
Tags complaining, engineers, project inherited, weak code, rewrite, great job, hired idiot
Transcript
Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.
Sunday August 17,
2014
Tags behind schedule, obstical, projects, sound dumb, three engineers, time management skills
Transcript
Boss: All of your projects are behind schedule. You need to work on your time management skills. Dilbert:Let me see if I understand you correctly. You expect me to do the job of three engineers... ...and the only obstical to your brilliant plan os my poor time management? Boss: Stop making everything I say sound dumb. Dilbert: I dont do it that often. Because you only sound dumb when people understand what you mean. Boss: And thats too Often! Dilbert: Once a week tops.


