How To Comic Strips - Page 73
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1000 Results for How To
View 721 - 730 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 01,
2001
Tags out of engineer, more adminstrative, write reports, gradually shift, writing reports, vegetative
Transcript
Wally says to The Boss, "I'd like to make a gradual shift out of engineering and into something more administrative." Wally continues, "For example, I could write reports that tell other people how to do their jobs better." Wally concludes, "Then I could gradually shift out of writing reports and into something more vegetative."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Saturday September 08,
2001
Tags learn take risks, quitting company, someplace better, understand
Transcript
Alice is sitting at The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Alice, you have to learn how to take risks." Alice replies, "You mean like quitting this putrid company and going to work someplace better?" The Boss asks Catbert, "Why doesn't anyone understand anything I say?" Catbert responds, "Three o'clock."
Thursday September 13,
2001
Tags accounting system, dysfunctional, meaningless, payroll exppenses, zero, management genius
Transcript
Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."
Thursday September 20,
2001
Tags music in offcie, can't concentrate, turn it down, drive you nuts, complain, cubicles, separation, desks
Transcript
Dilbert leans over the cubicle wall and says, "Could you turn off the music? I can't concentrate" to the coworker next to him. The coworker replies, "How about if I turn it down to a level where it still drives you nuts but you're too shy to complain a second time?" Dilbert says, "Thank you." The coworker says, "It might creep up over time."
Monday October 29,
2001
Tags talking clock, after midnight, talking alarm
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "My home phone turns into a talking clock after midnight." Dilbert turns slightly. The Boss continues, "Yeah, I didn't believe it either until Wally taught me how to use it." The Boss is at home. A voice from his phone yells, "It's 3:14 in the morning you #%*!* idiot!" The Boss thinks to himself, "Yup."
Saturday November 24,
2001
Tags elbonia, dollar of severence, rich, motivated by slogans, elbonians, mud pool, standing in mud pool
Transcript
Headline: In Elbonia. Dilbert says to the Elbonians, "I'm authorized give each of you one dollar of severance pay." The Elbonians exclaim, "We're rich!!!" Dilbert asks, "How much were we paying you?" An Elbonian replies, "Nothing. We were entirely motivated by slogans."
Thursday November 29,
2001
Tags congressional hearings, airline, inhumane service, ratbert
Transcript
Headline: Congressional Hearings. A grim panel sits in front of microphones. One man says, "Your airline is accused of providing inhumane service. How do you respond?" Dogbert replies, "Sometimes I wag and sometimes I hold up my paw and say, 'Bah!'" Ratbert adds, "Bah!" Dogbert turns to the rat and says, "You're not allowed to say Bah. Take it back." Ratbert says quietly, "Hab."
Thursday December 06,
2001
Tags gifts under $25, rules are rules, worth, $26
Transcript
Dilbert holds a gift. He says to a salesman, "Thank you, but I can only accept gifts under $25. How much is this?" The salesman replies, "$26." Dilbert hands the gift back to the salesman and says, "Well, thanks anyway." The salesman responds, "Rules are rules." Alice is holding the gift. She says, "You're a very nice for a salesperson. But how much is this worth?" The salesman replies slyly, "$26. Why?"
Monday December 17,
2001
Tags serve food, homeless on christmas, extra hungry, one day, news crews arrive
Transcript
Tina says to Dilbert, "I'm signing up volunteers to serve food to the homeless on Christmas day." Dilbert responds, "How do you know in advance that they'll be extra hungry on that one day?" Tina responds, "Our P.R. firm makes sure they don't get fed for two days before the news crews arrive."
Friday January 11,
2002
Tags job as waiter, job as engineer, qualified, manager, slapping drunk
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee. Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll take a job as a waiter until I can get a job as an engineer." Dogbert replies, "You're not qualified to wait on tables." Dilbert responds, "How hard could it be?" A waiter is juggling dishes unsteadily. He says to Dilbert, "The manager is over there slapping a drunk."

