Business People Comic Strips - Page 73

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Wally's Track Record As Mentor

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Wally's Track Record As Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags abuse, Wally, Dilbert, coffee, self-inflicted, injuries, interns

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Wally: I checked up on all of the interns I've mentored over the years. Most of them died from self-inflicted inures. Dilbert: And the rest? Wally: The rest were killed by other people.

Dilbert Offers To Help

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Dilbert Offers To Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, help, project, sucker, woman employee

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Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!

Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself

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Wally Enjoys Listening To Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Wally, talking, coffee, boring, moment

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Wally: I recently realized how much I enjoy listening to myself talk. The alternative involves listening to people who are boring and wrong about everything. Dilbert: That's not... Wally: Shhh! Don't ruin a perfect moment.

Coffee Machine Uses Guilt

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Coffee Machine Uses Guilt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, alice, Dilbert, coffee, coffee maker, automatic, invention, manipulation

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee maker. Now it uses guilt to manipulate people into making a fresh pot if they take the last cup. Coffee Maker: You disgust me. Wally: I get that a lot.

Wife Starts A Business

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Wife Starts A Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags entrepreneur, business, divorce, marriage, assumption, small business, relationships

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Boss: My wife is starting her own business. Carol: I'm sorry to hear that. How many years have you been married? Boss: She's not leaving me. She's starting a business. Carol: Right. Don't talk about Phase 2. Got it.

Grant Application

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Grant Application  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, job description, responsibility, business

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Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.

Dating A Coworker

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Dating A Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, relationships, office policy, rules, human resources, business

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Dilbert: Can I date a co-worker? Catbert: I doubt it. You're not attractive, funny, or rich. Dilbert: I mean, is it allowed under company rules? Catbert: We only have rules about things that might happen.

One Problem Becomes Two

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One Problem Becomes Two - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, complaint, belief, Opinion

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Dilbert: Today a dozen people got angry at me because they believed I was privately thinking the opposite of what I was saying. Why can't people just listen to my words?? Dogbert: Have you tried not being boring? Dilbert: Whenever I tell you I have one problem, I leave with two.

Your Word Against Everyone

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Your Word Against Everyone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags accusation, assume, assumption, Opinion

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Boss: Everyone says you hate the new product test plan. Dilbert: No, I like it. Boss: Pffft. I don't think all of those people can be wrong about what you think. Dilbert: I'm kind of an expert on what I think. Boss: I guess it's just your word against everyone.

Your Lying Face

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Your Lying Face  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, assumption, face, facial expression, business

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Dilbert: Why didn't you invite me to the meeting? Man: I could tell by your face that you didn't want to be invited. Dilbert: But I did want to be invited. Man: Tell that to your lying face.