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boss: your proposed solution is dumb because it doesn't solve all of our problems. dilbert: there's no such thing as a solution that solves all our problems. maybe we should solve the ones we can solve? boss: you're coming off as a quitter
dilbert: did you know that 85% of the matter in the world is dark matter, and we don't even know what dark matter is? boss: i know what it is dilbert: you do? boss: it's when the lights are off. - duh. dilbert: i'm going to go talk to someone else now.
dilbert: maybe you should stay home when you are sick. alice sneezing: honk! i will, but first i need to infect the rest of you so i'm not the only one missing deadlines. can you hold this for me? (passes off tissue to dilbert)
Dogbert The Futurist dogbert: i see two potential futures for you. in one future, your brakes fail and you drive off a cliff, dying instantly upon impact. office worker: and in the other future? dogbert: it's less instant.
dogbert: you have nothing to fear from the coronavirus but fear itself. obviously, the fear will increase your cortisol levels and depress your immune system so the virus can finish you off. dilbert visually shaken: now i'm scared. dogbert pointing: dead man walking!
day one of working from home dilbert thinking: i'm getting a lot done. day two of working from home dilbert thinking laying on the couch: if i goofed off a little, would anyone know? day three of working from home dogbert: lame fort. dilbert under fort made from couch cushions and blanket: it's version 1.0.
boss with face mask: wally, i need you to practice "social distancing" until the virus risk has passed. wally: i already do that. i haven't hugged anyone since the eighties. boss: good job. high-five. wally: back off.
Wally: My throat has a tickle, so I'd better take a month off of work. The coronavirus tests can have some false negatives, and I love you too much to put you at risk. Dilbert: Did it work? Wally: No, I sold it too hard.