Secretaries (Office) Comic Strips - Page 74
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1000 Results for Secretaries (Office)
View 731 - 740 results for secretaries (office) comic strips. Discover the best "Secretaries (Office)" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 02,
2019
Not In My Town
Tags business, engineering, office, office workers, nuclear
Transcript
dilbert: i engineered a totally safe design for nuclear power plants. ceo: how sure are you that it is safe? dilbert: one hundred percent. ceo: just keep it away from my town. dilbert: maybe it wasn't an engineering problem after all.
Thursday April 04,
2019
Asok In A Coma
Tags business, coffee, office, office workers, coma, dopamine
Transcript
dilbert running: ask appears to be in some kind of coma. what should we do? the boss: we see this a lot. his job is so boring that it caused his dopamine to crash. the boss: show him some funny car videos and give him a coffee i.v. dilbert: part of me doesn't want that to work.
Saturday April 06,
2019
Teaching Ai To Flirt
Tags bank, business, office, office workers, robot
Transcript
dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m
Monday April 08,
2019
Offensive Product Name
Tags business, insults, office, office workers, elbonian
Transcript
dilbert: our product name turns out to be offensive in the elbonian language. dilbert: it means "one who rips off his own facial hair and feeds it to a baby bird, which chokes and dies, signaling years of drought." the boss: that's all in one word? dilbert: they only have seventeen words, and nine of them are insults.
Tuesday April 09,
2019
Post Mortem
Tags business, office, office workers, project, idiots
Transcript
the boss around a conference table: let's do a post-mortem on our failed project to see what we did wrong. dilbert: we allowed idiots to make decisions. the boss: you say that every time. dilbert: i haven't been wrong yet.
Wednesday April 10,
2019
Alice Won't Shake Hands
Tags business, office, office workers, presentation, germs
Transcript
the boss attempting a handshake: great job on the presentation. alice: i prefer to avoid contact with that festering germ colony you call a hand. the boss: okay. better safe than sorry. alice: and could you face backward when you talk to me?
Friday April 12,
2019
How Long Will It Take
Tags computer software, office, office workers
Transcript
the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?
Saturday April 13,
2019
Asok Tries To Fax
Tags business, office, office workers, fax
Transcript
the boss: asok, i need you to fax this to the supplier. asok: i'll get right on it! asok to wally: what's a fax?
Sunday April 28,
2019
Wally Needs A Raise
Tags business, office, office workers, system, architect, Promotion, pay raise
Transcript
wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.
Sunday May 05,
2019
Tags business, chair, office, office workers, allergies, hazmat
Transcript
alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.


