Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 74

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870 Results for Computer Software

View 731 - 740 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, deception, new business strategy, laptop, coffee shop, public access, wifi, hackers, strategy document, sell secrets, competitors, business strategy, break in

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Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags correct data, incorrect data, interactions with boss, questioning, totally accurate, desk, computer, office, technology

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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, employee tracking, wandering aorund, meetings, restroom trips, employee monitoring, wrist monitor, low levels of caffeine, typos up, beat authority figure, tablet computer, danger signals, workloads

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Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cyborg, science fiction, software simulation, technological singularity, wearable tech, humans

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Dilbert: How much wearable tech can I use before I'm technically a cyborg? Garbage Man: It doesn't matter because you're a software simulation created by humans who perished after the technological singularity. And you're programmed to scoff at what I just said. Dilbert: Crazy old coot.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer survey, flying car, idiots, new software, people who buy, survey, cafe, coffee cup

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Dilbert: I have the results of our customer survey. The new software feature they want most is "Flying car" Boss: Did you survey any people who aren't idiots? Dilbert: No, I only surveyed people who buy from us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, cruelty, tech supprt, highly trained engineer, electrical engineer, most proabable, reinstalled software, rebooted, default, request

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Dogbert: This is tech support. How may I help you? Dilbert: Before we start, I need to tell you that I'm a highly trained electrical engineer. I have already eliminated all of the most probable causes of my issue. I have reinstalled the software and I have rebooted several times. So please, if you have any respect for humanity, do not start this call by insisting that I reboot again. Can you do that? Can you not ask me to reboot as your first suggestion? Dogbert: Try rebooting. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Dogbert: I kinds love my job.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inventions, artificial intelligence, software, phb test, hide, html5, talking, engineering

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Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, frustration, inventions, no sense, standard turing test, upset, company strategy

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Dilbert: My software can't pass a standard Turing test yet, but it does pass the pointy-haired boss test. Computer, I have a question about our company strategy. Computer: Try working smarter. Dilbert: That doesn't even make sense! CEO: I wasn't prepared to like it, but you won me over.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, trees, computer model, genetically modify, tree growth, rare earth minerals, run a trail, money dents grow on trees, fault

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Dilbert: My computer model indicates that I can genetically modify a tree to grow leaves made of rare earth minerals. All I need is a hundred dollars to run a trial. Boss: Sorry. Money doesn't grow on trees. Dilbert: Well, now we know whose fault that is. Boss: Strangers?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags surveillance, outsourced micromanaging, amazons mechanical turk, other countries, computer cameras, criticize, resisting change

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Boss: I outsourced my micromanaging to Amazon's mechanical Turk. People in other countries will watch you on your computer cameras and criticize every move you make. Dilbert: That feels like a terrible idea. Turk: Stop resisting change.