Request Computer Upgrade Comic Strips - Page 74

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741 Results for Request Computer Upgrade

View 731 - 740 results for request computer upgrade comic strips. Discover the best "Request Computer Upgrade" comics from Dilbert.com.

Hallucinations At Meetings

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Hallucinations At Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #server, #hallucinate, #network

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in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.

Read The Manual

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Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #employees, #frustrated, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology

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Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.

Curse Of Competence

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Curse Of Competence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #employees, #office workers, #problem, #sarcasm, #condescending

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Man: I need your help solving a software problem on my computer. Dilbert: Why am I cursed with the sort of competence that makes me a servant to the incapable? Man: I don't know what that means. Dilbert: If you did, you could probably fix your own problems.

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Dilbert Murders Robots

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Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

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dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

Clear Email From Boss

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Clear Email From Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #servers, #request, #email, #reply, #project, #update, #fight, #business

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boss: why didn't you upgrade the servers like i asked? dilbert: you never asked me to do that. boss: yes, i did. i told you in an email. dilbert: no, you did not. boss: i know i saw it because you replied. dilbert: i replied to a different email. boss: okay, let me find the email and show you how wrong you are. see. it clearly says, "give me a project update by thursday." dilbert: which is...an entirely different topic. boss: why are you fighting me on this?

Common Sense

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Common Sense  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #common sense, #request, #specifications, #assumption, #sarcasm

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boss: this isn't what i wanted. dilbert: it is, unless you gave me the wrong specs. boss: i assume you would use your common sense to know what i wanted. dilbert: did you common sense help you make that assumption?

Who Is The Fool

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Who Is The Fool - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #install, #server, #upgrade, #fool, #lie, #technology

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vendor: we can't finish the installation unless you buy our server upgrade. dilbert: that means you lied when you bid for the job, because you did not include a server upgrade. vendor: who's the fool now? dilbert: that would be me.

Upgrade Schedule

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Upgrade Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #vendor, #network, #upgrade, #allocating, #technology

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vendor: we should be able to finish the network upgrade in about three months. dilbert: when you bid for the job. you said it would take thirty days. vendor: if we're allocating blame. i'm not the one who was dumb enough to believe me.

Price Gouging

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Price Gouging - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2020's comic on:


Tags #business, #network, #idiot, #price, #gouging, #upgrade

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vendor: now that the network installation is half-done, i have you idiots right where i want you. it's too late for you to get a new vendor, so i'll be price-gouging you on upgrades you didn't even know you would need. dilbert: why are you telling us???? vendor: it makes it more fun for me.