Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 74
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1000 Results for Avoid Work
View 731 - 740 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 17,
2012
Tags homes value, make money, schedules, office
Transcript
Carol: You only do the things I put on your schedule. And if we consider recent declines in your home's value, I make more money than you do. Boss: What's your point? Carol: It's as if you work for me now.
Sunday July 15,
2012
Tags all worked up, complain about attitude, escalated, low priority tasks, emergency
Transcript
Alice: Stop whatever you're doing and go research the answer to this question. Brad: I don't have time to work on low-priority tasks. Alice: Give me ten minutes to transform it into an emergency. Brad is being unhelpful. I need you to talk to his boss. Boss: Sure. Brad refuses to help Alice. Brad's Boss: Help her do what? Boss: I don't know, but obviously it's very important because it got escalated. Brad's Boss: It must be an emergency because everyone is all worked up about it. Alice: Now hum a happy tune or I'll complain about your attitude.
Sunday June 03,
2012
Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan
Transcript
Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.
Wednesday May 30,
2012
Tags meetings, 8am, meeting, useful work, insulting, good time management, overlap, business
Transcript
Coworker: Can you come to my meeting at 8am tomorrow? Dilbert: No. I reserve the first few hours of every morning for useful work. Coworker: That feels like an insult. Dilbert: I call it good time management. There's a lot of overlap.
Friday May 18,
2012
Tags job description, mindless zombie, team work, wate time, tasks, waste time, never shows intitaive
Transcript
Wally: Should I waste my time doing tasks that are not in my job description? Or should I be a mindless zombie that shuns teamwork and never shows initiative? Take your time. I'm good either way.
Monday May 07,
2012
Tags interviewed users, suggestions, idiots, dumb suggestions, hindsight
Transcript
Dilbert: We interviewed hundreds of users and turned all of their suggestions into features. As it turns out, every user we talked to was an idiot, and their dumb suggestions ruined our product. In hindsight, we probably should have talked to people who work outside this building.
Wednesday April 25,
2012
Tags barry, meeting, meetings, sharing info, vendors, business
Transcript
Dilbert: Let's hear what Barry learned from our vendors and go from there. Coworker: I didn't have time to call anyone, but I can speculate about what might have happened if I had. Dilbert: I'm curious to see how this will work out for you. Coworker: None of these vendors would have called me back.
Tuesday April 24,
2012
Tags dental work, introducing, kept the thought, naming, new brand, herthlokel
Transcript
CEO: Our new brand will be called "Herthlokel." Tina: Did you come up with that when you were getting dental work? I probably should have kept that thought bottled up inside me.
Monday April 23,
2012
Tags business ethics, lawyers & attorneys, apps, contact information, users address books, data, office, desk, meeting, store data, business
Transcript
Coworker: Please tell me our apps don't steal contact information from our users' address books. Boss: We upload the data but we don't store it. Coworker: That's like saying I can date your wife if I put a bag over her head. Boss: That could work. Coworker: I don't think I'm getting through to you.
Tuesday April 10,
2012
Tags calendars, desk, meails, meetings, padtes, schdeules, secretary, coordinates
Transcript
Boss: I want you to work from home for two days per week to reduce our carbon footprint. Employee: Nooooo! My wife and three small children are in that house. They're always mean to me. Boss: How bad could it be? Employee: Let me put it this way: I'm sitting in an egg carton and talking to a moron, and this is better.


