Better Please Comic Strips - Page 74

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

739 Results for Better Please

View 731 - 739 results for better please comic strips. Discover the best "Better Please" comics from Dilbert.com.

Motivosity Bucks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Motivosity Bucks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #working, #weekend, #employment, #bucks, #money, #motivosity

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: thanks for working all weekend to get the project done, dilbert. i award you two motivosity bucks. dilbert: i like real money better. boss: that just cost you two motivosity bucks.

Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Is Doctor Of Impossible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boring, #business, #cure, #diseases, #doctor, #fail, #headache, #ice-cold bath, #impossible, #improvement, #medical, #prescribe, #sarcasm, #treatments, #health and wellnes

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i'm dogbert, doctor of the impossible. boss: does that mean you cure diseases that are believed to be impossible to cure? dogbert: no, that sounds boring. i prescribe treatments that are impossible to follow. when you fail you don't get better. you'll think it's your own fault. boss: how does that help anyone but you? dogbert: hey, i'm not the one who brought it up. boss: you're giving me a headache. dogbert: to cure that, i suggest ice-cold baths every six minutes.

Robot Calls

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Calls - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #robot, #intelligence, #human, #indistinguishable, #Number, #recognize, #rule, #earth

View Transcript

Transcript

voice coming from phone: as soon as robot intelligence is indistinguishable from home, the robots will rule the earth! dilbert: i don't recognize this number. who are you? please don't say a robot. voice: let's just say only one of us will rot.

Alice Compliments Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Compliments Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #comparison, #project, #job, #great, #dread, #foreboding, #generous, #trap, #lull, #sabotage, #career, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: you did a great job on your project ted. ted: thank you. alice: you are most welcome. ted: wait. why do i have a sense of dread and foreboding? it isn't like you to give out generous compliments. this feels like a trap. you're lulling me into a false sense of security. you plan to sabotage my career to make yourself look better by comparison. ted yelling: you monster! boss: what's this all about? alice thinking: that worked out.

You Make Luck

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
You Make Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #luck, #wisdom, #rewiring, #super, #employee, #double, #workload, #brain, #rewire, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: remember, asok, you don't find luck, you go out and make it. asok yelling and waving arms: i feel your wisdom rewiring my brain and turning me into a super-employee! boss: it usually doesn't work this fast. asok: please double my workload, you beautiful monster!

Loud Using Zoom

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loud Using Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #mortgage, #loud, #noise, #calls, #war, #blackmail, #surprise, #laptop, #imagine

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: can you please stop talking so loudly on your zoom calls?!!! dilbert at home in front of laptop: i'm sorry, but i pay the mortgage, and i have a right to make as much noise as i want in my own house. dogbert: oh, wow. did you really play the "mortgage card" on me? dogbert: this is war! wait until you see what i do in the background of your next zoom call. i don't want to ruin the surprise, but think of the number-one worst thing you can imagine me doing. are you picturing it in your mind? it's bad isn't it? now imagine at the same time i also start doing the second-worst thing you can imagine. dilbert: noooo!!!!

Boss Needs To Be Dumber

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Needs To Be Dumber  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #boss, #smart, #dumb, #technical, #decision, #effective, #influence

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: i think i'd be more effective at work if my boss were either smarter, so he'd understand me... or dumber, so he'd know it's better to let me make all of the technical decisions. and i can't make him smarter, so my plan is to make him dumber. dogbert: it seems i've been a bad influence.

Ted Is Great But Not Enough

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Is Great But Not Enough  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #comparison, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #employment, #exceptional, #fired, #universe, #sense, #complain, #reverse psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ted, your performance this year has been exceptional. but everyone else was even better, so...you're fired. ted: in what universe does that even make sense? boss: you also complain too much.

Chewing A Pen

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Chewing A Pen - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #business, #video call, #camera, #chewing, #pen, #house, #nose, #address

View Transcript

Transcript

alice on video call. alice: please stop leaning into the camera while chewing the end of your pen. it makes me want to drive to your house and shove that pen up your nose. male office worker: but you won't do that, right? alice: what's your address?