Arms Out Comic Strips - Page 75

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags teamwork football, carry one day, commitment to teamwork, customers, vacation, used golf ball, football, Sports

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The Boss holds up a football and says, "I call it teamwork football." The Boss continues, "Each of you will carry the ball with you for one day to symbolize your commitment to teamwork." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "Who wants to be first?" The Boss turns to Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Not me, I have a meeting with customers today." The Boss turns to Wally. Wally says, "I'm on vacation. I only came in for coffee." The Boss turns to Alice. Alice says, "Not in a trillion years." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Maybe you could keep it in your desk drawer to symbolize our commitment to teamwork." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He looks at the football sticking out of his desk drawer and thinks, "I should have used a golf ball."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags not answered email, poorly written, didn't undertsnd, dare to start dialogue, talk with boss, email boss

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A coworker asks Dilbert, "Dude, why haven't you answered my e-mail?" Dilbert responds, "Your message was so poorly written that I didn't understand it and I didn't dare to start a dialogue." The coworker crosses his arms and says, "Maybe I should have a talk with your boss." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should e-mail him."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags need approval, equipment, installed

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "I need your approval for this expense. The equipment is already here and installed." Dilbert continues, "I left out the description because you wouldn't understand it anyway." The Boss says to Catbert, "There's a fine line between managing and being totally useless." Catbert responds, "Luckily it looks the same."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dilbert as waiter, hots on customer, insults customer, specials, rude, age

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Dilbert is waiting on a table. He says to the customer, "I'll be your server tonight... Whoa, you're beautiful." Dilbert continues, "Would your grandfather mind if I asked you out?" The customer replies, "He's my husband." Dilbert turns to the older man and says, "Moving right along, would you like to hear about our specials?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags man hating supervisor, justify pay, all day meeting, wrong one, meeting, this meeting, door open, business

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Headline: Man-hating Supervisor. The supervisor asks Wally, "Have any of you men done anything to justify your pay?" Wally responds, "I attended an all-day meeting but later found out I was in the wrong one." The supervisor says, "Actually, you're not supposed to be in this meeting either." Wally replies, "The door was open."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tech support, software is worn, typing too hard, decaf, paint walls, stop gym, holistic tec support, read more

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Headline: Dogbert Tech Support. Dogbert is talking into a telephone headset. He says, "Your software is worn out. You must be typing too hard." Dogbert continues, "Switch to decaf, paint your walls pink and stop going to the gym." Dilbert approaches Dogbert and says, "I've never heard of holistic tech support." Dogbert replies, "Maybe you should read more."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bugs, database, not to learn, put bugs back in, strong desire, apathetic

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Asok hands a piece of paper to The Boss. Asok says, "I worked all weekend to get the bugs out of the database." The Boss replies, "But now the data makes us look bad. Put back the bugs." Asok says to Wally, "Can you teach me to be apathetic like you?" Wally responds, "Only if you have a strong desire not to learn."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags extra funding, extra network traffic, hard data, infinte capacity, logic, opinions, science works, weasel misrepresnting, science

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "I don't think our network can handle the extra network traffic." The Boss replies, "Opinions don't matter to me. I base my decisions on hard data." Dilbert responds, "How about logic? Our network is already too slow and we plan to quadruple usage." The Boss responds, "Bah! Watch how science works and maybe you'll learn something." The Boss pokes his head out of his office and says to Doug, "Doug, come here for a minute." Doug says, "Our data proves that our network has infinite capacity, so your budget should be diverted to my project." Dilbert exclaims, "That's not science! That's a weasel misinterpreting data to get extra funding!" Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "There are days when you really hate to hear the phrase 'po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags outsourcing, project, huge hourly rate, specified

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "I've reduced our development costs by outsourcing the project." Dilbert responds, "Does the proposal have a huge hourly rate for any work not specified in the contract?" The Boss replies, "Why do you ask?" Wally thinks, "Stay out of it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trip cancelled, travel budget, contact centers, training, ignorance

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As Dilbert is walking out of the office, The Boss says to him, "Your trip is canceled." The Boss continues, "We used up the travel budget renaming our call centers to 'contact centers.'" Dilbert responds, "But I need this training." The Boss replies, "Isn't that another way of saying you're ignorant?"