Business Comic Strips - Page 75

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Seventeen Hour Flight To Elbonia

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Seventeen Hour Flight To Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fair, comfort, flying, money, budget, cost, selfish

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Dilbert: The flight to Elbonia is seventeen hours. Can I fly business class? Boss: No, because your pain will be temporary, but I won't get my bonus if I go over budget. Try being a team player for once. Dilbert: I didn't know Satan had a team.

Bought His Last Company

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Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags comparison, comparing, merger, acquisition, liquidation, layoff, redundancy, big business, competition, darwin

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Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Talking About The Last Job

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Talking About The Last Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality, comparing, employees, dumb, business, psychology

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Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.

Dilbert In Wrong Meeting

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Dilbert In Wrong Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags awkward, meeting, embarrassed, embarrassment, business

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Dilbert: I just realized I'm in the wrong meeting. My best bet is to slowly sink below the table and slip away. Someday, when my grandkids ask what I did for a living, I'm going to say I was unemployed.

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

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Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sales, responsibility, blame, business

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Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engagement, review, shortcut, honesty, human resources, hr, business

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Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags insult, meeting, tardiness, punctual, badmouth, business

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Dilbert: It seems that everyone but Ted made it to this meeting. If we proceed without Ted, our decisions will be underinformed. If we try to reschedule a meeting with all of us, we will miss the critical deadline. Thanks to Ted, we have two ways to lose and no way to win. I say we use this time to say bad things about Ted to make ourselves feel better. I'll start. Ted is a lazy, selfish loser, If I could travel through time, I would prevent Ted's parents from meeting. Don't look at me like I'm the one who came late.

Meet At My Office

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Meet At My Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, schedule, time, wasting time, selfish, business

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Computer: Let's meet at my office on Friday. Dilbert: Sure. Or... you could waste your day traveling to my office instead. Computer: You're being a jerk. Dilbert: You started it.

Telling People How To Do Their Jobs

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Telling People How To Do Their Jobs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job, quality assurance, misunderstanding, micromanage, business

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Alan, From Quality Assurance. Boss: Is it true that the only thing you have been doing is assuring people we have quality? Alan: I don't like to tel people how to do their jobs. Boss: Telling people how to do their jobs is literally your job. Alan: In that case, stop doing all of this.

Weak Sales Reorg

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Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, money, golden parachute, greed, logic, sales, business

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Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.