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View 741 - 750 results for exposing rat marketing plan comic strips. Discover the best "Exposing Rat Marketing Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #workload, #stress, #counseling

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Dilbert: I have too much work, and it's stressing me out. Boss: I've been reading about this sort of situation. Try writing don all the things that make you feel grateful. Dilbert: That would be more work! Boss: For your anger issues, try keeping a journal of all the times you lose your temper. Dilbert: That would be more work! Has anyone ever taken your advice? Boss: Do you know the guy in Marketing with the eye patch? Dilbert: He followed your advice? Boss: Half of it.

Biggest Obstacle

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Biggest Obstacle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #honesty, #success

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Boss: What is your biggest obstacle to success on this project? Dilbert: It's you. It's always you. Should I add that to the business plan? Boss: Let's keep it general.

Ask The Other Director

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Ask The Other Director - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reorganization, #logic, #managers, #solutions, #cheating

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Dilbert: I tried to get approval from the head of Marketing, but the reorg makes it impossible. The outgoing director says I need to ask the incoming directory, but that person hasn't been named. Boss: Bring me solutions, not problems. Dilbert: Forgery it is.

Accused Of Forgery

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Accused Of Forgery - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #performance, #forgery, #pessimism, #giving up, #resistance

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Catbert: You stand accused of forging an expense approval from the head of Marketing. Your malfeasance caused the project to finish on time and under budget. Next time, just give up and lose hope like everyone else. Dilbert: Will do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diet, #dating, #restaurant, #relationships, #health

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Dilbert: It took me six months to get a reservation here. I hear the food is amazing. Woman: It sounds fantastic. It's too bad I'm on a cucumber diet. I can only eat cucumbers after five o'clock. Dilbert: Well, it seems you have squandered my invitation to fine dining. Now my plan of sharing a culinary adventure is just a sad commentary on the casual rudeness of life. Can I expect you to complain about the quality of your cucumber and send it back? Waiter: We don't have cucumbers.

Blame Rolls Downhill

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Blame Rolls Downhill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #responsibility, #management

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Boss: Our CEO blamed the Sales department for our low revenue. Sales blamed Marketing and Marketing blamed Engineering. Guess why I'm here. Dilbert: To shield me from unfair accusations?

Hire A Famous Cartoonist

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Hire A Famous Cartoonist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #samsung, #safety, #explosion, #battery, #marketing, #trust, #celebrity, #cartoonist, #business

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Boss: We need to regain customer trust after our exploding phone fiasco. Dogbert: You need a celebrity endorsement. People trust celebrities with their life-and-death decisions. Maybe a famous cartoonist. Boss: I don't see how that could go wrong. Narrator: Continued...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Bad Optics

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Bad Optics - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearances, #optics, #logic, #deception

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Boss: I don't like the optics of your plan. Dilbert: It's the only plan that can work. Should I change it to something that looks good but won't work? Boss: Excellent idea. You might have more management potential than I though.

Craving Vacation

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Craving Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #conversation, #work, #workload, #annoy, #annoyance

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Tine: I hear you have some vacation days coming. Planning anything big? Dilbert: I plan to catch up on all the work I couldn't get done here because people keep interrupting me. Tina: That's a sad vacation. Dilbert: Then why am I craving it right now?