boss: dilbert, in recognition of your outstanding work during the pandemic, i'm giving you a promotion.
dilbert: i don't want a stupid title. i want a raise. what's my new title?
boss's voice through phone: "ungrateful engineer."
salesman: i'll need you to sign a nondisclosure agreement before i can show you our new product.
dilbert: you wasted a trip here because i won't be doing that. the fact that you even asked me to sign an nda tells me your company is incompetent.
dilbert: i prefer giving my business to a vendor who can show me their product without getting a lawyer involved.
salesman: you could sign it without having your lawyer review it.
dilbert yelling: do i look like an idiot?
salesman holding out nda toward dilbert.
dilbert: well? do i?
salesman: only form your chin to your forehead area.
boss reading paper: that's a great chart, ted.
dilbert: actually, i made that chart a month ago, and ted stole it without giving me credit.
boss to catbert: ted has management potential.