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View 751 - 760 results for irrelevant things said comic strips. Discover the best "Irrelevant Things Said" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed

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Dilbert Feels Overwhelmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #life, #office, #office workers, #panic, #overwhelmed

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Dilbert: I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need to get done. Boss: Have you tried eliminating your personal life? Dilbert: That took care of itself. Boss: Okay, that's the only idea I had.

Detailed Explanation

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Detailed Explanation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers

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office worker: did my detailed explanation answer your question? wally: i started to lose consciousness about fifteen minutes into it, so I thought of other things while you talked, just to stay awake. office worker: i could start over. wally: go ahead. i'll be down the hall if you need me.

Wally Slurps

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Wally Slurps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #complaint, #office, #office workers, #soup

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alice visually distressed and yelling: can you please stop slurping that soup? wally: wow. you complain when i clip my toe-nails, when i make lip-smacking sounds, when i use my speaker-phone, and even when i microwave fish. alice still yelling: doesn't that tell you some things?? wally: yes, it's impossible to please you. slurp.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #email, #office workers, #project manager, #office, #liar, #photoshop

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office worker: why are you telling everyone my project got canceled? dilbert: i never said anything like that. office worker: you're such a liar. i saw your email to ted. dilbert: if i show you that email right now, and it says nothing about your project... will you admit you were wrong and humbly apologize to me? office worker: i don't think i can commit to that. dilbert: well, anyway, here it is, and you can plainly see you were wrong. office worker: this looks photo-shopped. dilbert: i don't see a winning path for me here.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #variables, #forecast

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dilbert: my profit forecast isn't aligning with our strategy the boss: try adding some variables. dilbert: what kind of variables? the boss: the kind that make our strategy line up with our profit forecasts. dilbert: but...then my forecast would not be accurate. the boss: it's already inaccurate because no one can forecast complicated things five years ahead. the boss: if we can't be accurate, we might as well be wrong in a way that is good for us in the near term. dilbert: you make a surprisingly robust argument for evil. the boss: and i was barely trying!

Beg And Pay Store

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Beg And Pay Store - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #buying, #selling, #begging, #internet

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dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!

Hallucinations At Meetings

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Hallucinations At Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #server, #hallucinate, #network

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in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.

Read It With My Own Eyes

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Read It With My Own Eyes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #communication, #email, #frustrated, #office, #office workers, #plans

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Man: I disagree with your email saying the plan won't work. Dilbert: My email said exactly the opposite. I said the plan will definitely work. Man: No, I read it with my own eyes. Dilbert: I'm the one who wrote it!!!

Toxic Employee Covers All Bases

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Toxic Employee Covers All Bases - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #employees, #office workers, #work

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dibert: hey, aren't you the new toxic employee? toxic employee: i told your boss you think he's a jerk for giving wally an award for work you did. dilbert: i never said that. toxic employee: i covered that base by telling him you're a liar.

Bad Analogy Guy Fits In

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Bad Analogy Guy Fits In - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #insults, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Man: Hi. I'm the bad analogy guy. I can't tell the difference between thinking and simply being reminded of unrelated things. Wally: You'll fit in well here. Man: You dress like a liar.