New Employee Comic Strips - Page 76
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 751 - 760 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday June 11,
1991
Tags Dilbert, drug, testing, performance, attendance, judged, insult, integrity
Transcript
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "Why have you refused to submit to our employee drug testing?" Dilbert replies, "It's violation of my privacy and an insult to my integrity. I demand to be judged only on my PERFORMANCE." The Boss says, "But your performance stinks," Dilbert says, "Performance AND attendance."
Tuesday July 30,
1991
Tags Dogbert, pop, psychologist, lecture, video, makeover, pop culture, madonna
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from a desk and says, "I've decided to become a pop psychologist. I need your help to make my lecture video." A man in sunglasses replies, "You came to the right place, babe. First, you need a new look." Dogbert is wearing a pony tail of false hair and a pointed brassiere. Dogbert says, "Nice try, but frankly, this look didn't work too well for Madonna either."
Monday August 19,
1991
Tags Dogbert, convince, wealth, polyester, pants, top, head, money, change
Transcript
Dogbert sits across from a customer service representative in a bank. The woman says, "Well, Mr. Dogbert, what could I do to convince you to put your new wealth in our bank?" Dogbert replies, "Stretch your polyester pants over the top of your head." As the woman pulls her pants over her head, Dogbert says, "I hope money doesn't change me."
Monday September 02,
1991
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, floyed remora, twenty years, survives, attaching, employees
Transcript
The Boss: Dilbert, this is your new co-worker, Floyd Remora. Floyd has worked here for twenty years without developing any skills. He survives by attaching himself to other employees. Dilbert: Go ahead... Ask me how my day went.
Tuesday September 10,
1991
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, naked, news, lucas, ranch, dan, life-like, special, effects
Transcript
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "Seriously, how do we know the news isn't all faked??" Dilbert says, "Geez, Dogbert, get over it. Why don't you just call George Lucas and ask him if he's doing the whole thing with special effects?" At the Lucas Ranch, a man holding a mannequin says to George Lucas, "We built a new Dan Rather, but it still doesn't look lifelike." A man sitting at a table plays with a Space Shuttle on a string.
Friday September 20,
1991
Tags Dilbert, the boss, Wally, unnatural, magnificent, puppet, buy, us, customer, memorize
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert and another employee, "We're making a company commercial. Memorize these lines." Dilbert reads, "I'm Wally! I was specially bred to serve you and take abuse, O magnificent customer." Dilbert says, "It sounds a little unnatural." The woman reads, "I'm Raquel. I'll be your love puppet if you buy from us."
Monday October 07,
1991
Tags Dilbert, world, news, country, doug, tiny, monarchy, king, descendant, deity, head, doesn't
Transcript
Dilbert sits in his chair watching the television news. The newscaster says, "In world news, the tiny country of Elbonia has become a despotic monarchy." The news anchorman continues, "The new ruler is King Dogbert, who claims to be a descendant of the Elbonian Deity 'Doug.'" In Elbonia, Dogbert rides on the back of an Elbonian and hits him on the back of his head. Dogbert is wearing a miter and holding a scepter. Dogbert thinks, "I hope this doesn't go to my head."
Thursday October 17,
1991
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, democracy, movement, charismatic, leader, elbonian, elbonia, acne, Men, trick, question
Transcript
Dogbert and Dilbert stand on a castle turret. Dilbert looks over the edge and says, "It looks the democracy movement has a new charismatic leader." A man stands in front of a crowd of Elbonians. The man yells, "Give me liberty or give me . . . Uh . . . Back acne." The man yells, "Are we mice or are we men?" An Elbonian woman asks, "Is that a trick question?"
Wednesday November 06,
1991
Tags Dilbert, ceo, superficial, statements, company, lucky, profits, leadership
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a big desk and asks an employee, "Now that I'm CEO, what am I supposed to actually do?" The man replies, "You're supposed to make superficial statements about how good the company is, then hope something lucky happens and profits go up." The man continues, "It's called leadership, sir." Dilbert waves the man away and says, "Make it so."
Thursday November 07,
1991
Tags Dilbert, ceo, diferently, interpret, gesture, mahoney, window
Transcript
Dilbert walks down the hall and thinks, "Now that I'm CEO, everybody treats me differently." Dilbert thinks, "They interpret and act upon my slightest gesture. This gesture means 'all is well.'" Behind Dilbert there is a scream and a crash. An employee says, "We tossed Mahoney out the window like you gestured, sir." Dilbert thinks, "Oops."


