Bad Decisions Comic Strips - Page 76

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765 Results for Bad Decisions

View 751 - 760 results for bad decisions comic strips. Discover the best "Bad Decisions" comics from Dilbert.com.

Pick Midpoint

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Pick Midpoint - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #projections, #accurate, #random, #guess, #midpoint, #decision

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bos: which of your two projections do you think is more accurate? dilbert: they are both random guesses. i made two of them to create an illusion of a credible range. boss: so...would it be reasonable to pick the midpoint? dilbert: it's as reasonable as your other decisions.

Bad Attitude

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Bad Attitude - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #work, #exceptional, #complain, #attitude, #bad, #dislike, #sarcasm

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boss: your work has been exceptional, but people are complaining about your attitude. dilbert: aren't the people who are doing the complaining usually the ones with bad attitudes. boss: they think you dislike them. dilbert: i do, but i have a terrific attitude about it.

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

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Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #qualities, #character, #cancel, #micro-manage, #lazy, #backstabbing, #brave, #lie, #credibility, #believe, #employees, #success, #manager, #random, #sarcasm

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boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.

Alice Needs A Snack

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Alice Needs A Snack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #decision, #managers & supervisors, #meeting, #break, #hungry, #snack

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alice: i'm too hungry to make good decisions. i need a break so i can eat a snack. boss: how do you know your decisions are bad? alice: i'm starting to agree with you. boss: i don't understand. alice is gone: exactly

Virus From Where

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Virus From Where - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #health & safety, #office workers, #virus, #beard, #fuzzy, #hat, #country, #release, #luxembourg, #elbonian

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dilbert: there's a new virus that kills everyone who doesn't have a beard and a tall, fuzzy hat. wally: what country would release a virus like that? elbonian man: i'm hearing bad things about luxembourg.

Gaming The System

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Gaming The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #wrong, #believe, #system, #project

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boss: ted says you are making all the wrong technology decisions on your project. dilbert: why do you believe him? boss: because he's the last person i talked to. dilbert: but now you're talking to me. boss: stop trying to game the system.

Tricking Employees

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Tricking Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #reward, #business, #performance, #punish, #good, #bad, #work, #tricking, #employment

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catbert to boss: you've tried rewarding good performance and punishing bad. but have you tried tricking employees into working hard? boss: no, can you teach me? catbert to asok: remember, hard work is its own reward. asok: is it?

Think About Long Term

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Think About Long Term - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #long term, #dynamics, #reasonable, #random, #decision, #job, #employment

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office worker: we need to think longer term about how all of these dynamics play out. dilbert: sounds reasonable. what exactly were we doing before? office worker: i can't speak for anyone else, but i was making random decisions and hoping i'd change jobs before anyone found out.

Fired For Social Media

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Fired For Social Media - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #business, #technology, #employment, #fire, #offensive, #bad, #people, #twitter, #issues, #context, #sides, #associate, #monsters

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boss: dilbert: i need to fire you for your social media activities. dilbert: did i say something offensive? boss: i'm getting reports that you follow bad people on twitter. dilbert: i follow people on both sides of every issue so i can see the full context. boss: that might sound good on paper, but half of the people you follow are monsters of one sort or another. dilbert: isn't it obvious that enforcing this kind of standard can only lead in a bad direction. boss: no, i don't see that at all. all i see is that you associate with people who are monsters. ceo to boss: i'm getting reports that you follow dilbert on twitter.

Loud Using Zoom

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Loud Using Zoom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #zoom, #mortgage, #loud, #noise, #calls, #war, #blackmail, #surprise, #laptop, #imagine

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dogbert: can you please stop talking so loudly on your zoom calls?!!! dilbert at home in front of laptop: i'm sorry, but i pay the mortgage, and i have a right to make as much noise as i want in my own house. dogbert: oh, wow. did you really play the "mortgage card" on me? dogbert: this is war! wait until you see what i do in the background of your next zoom call. i don't want to ruin the surprise, but think of the number-one worst thing you can imagine me doing. are you picturing it in your mind? it's bad isn't it? now imagine at the same time i also start doing the second-worst thing you can imagine. dilbert: noooo!!!!