Search Results

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

5 G Is 4 G

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
5 G Is 4 G - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, wireless, service, 5g, 4g, complain, impossible, phone

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: we are rolling out our new 5G wireless service today. dilbert: we don't have any 5G technology. boss: it's really 4G, but no one wants that, so we call it 5G. dilbert: people will complain. boss: that's okay. we're also making it impossible to reach us by phone.

5 G Format

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
5 G Format  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, recommendation, 5g, format, industry, standard, tricking

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: and that's why i recommend creating a 5g format called orthogonal frequency division multiplexing. boss: that will never work. dilbert: it's already an industry standard. i was joking. boss: stop doing the to me. dilbert: i don't know if i can.

Wally Answers Texts Later

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Answers Texts Later  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, technology, lazy, working, ignore, text, email, response, data

View Transcript

Transcript

asok: i rarely see you working. how do you get away with it? wally: it's easy. i just wait a day before answering any texts or emails. for example, here's alice asking if i can attend a meeting in an hour. i'll answer her in the morning and say i didn't see her message. And here's dilbert asking me for some data. tomorrow, i will text him to ask for clarification, and he will tell me he found the data on his own. asok: don't you feel guilty? wally: nah. they'd do the same to me. asok: and do they? wally: they would if i didn't ignore them first.

Married Zoomers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Married Zoomers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, sarcasm, video conference, technology, zoom, anger, married, speakerphone, room, hear, distracting

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert with laptop on video conference. voice from laptop yelling: stop using your speakerphone! i'm trying to make a zoom call! i can still hear you! go in the other room! i said go in the other room! dilbert: being married sounds fun. Voice from laptop: i can still hear you!

Thought Leader

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Thought Leader - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, calendar, assistant, leader, delegation, thought, work, hands

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ask my assistant to put it on my calendar. dilbert: why can't you just put it on your calendar right now? boss: i'm more of a thought leader. i don't like to work with my hands.

Wally Leaves Camera On

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Leaves Camera On - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, video conference, zoom, inappropriate, camera, call

View Transcript

Transcript

boss with laptop on video conference. boss: um, wally. do you know your camera is on? boss is shaken and yelling: wally!!! no!!! gaaa!!! i can't unsee it! dilbert and wally in another room. dilbert: how was your zoom call? wally: i found a way to shorten it by an hour.

Buying Tee Shirts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Buying Tee Shirts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clothing, purchase, retail, size, small, t-shirt, home, shopping

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.

Ai For Management Decisoins

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ai For Management Decisoins - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, smart speaker, artificial intelligence, management, bug

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: i upgraded our a.i. prototype to make management decisions. smart speaker: slay the weak dilbert: i think that's a bug. boss: hold on. let's hear it out.

Dilbert Has To Be Right

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Has To Be Right  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags co-workers, exercise, arrogance, Right, therapy, health

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and tine walking. tina: you argue with everything because you just have to be right. dilbert: how can you tell the difference between someone who "has to be right" versus someone who is right and you need therapy? tina: you're doing it again. dilbert: or am i?

Dogbert Does Telemedicine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Does Telemedicine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, telemedicine, time, doctor, health, pain, rake, leaves, medicine

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i started doing telemedicine in my spare time. Dilbert: don't you need to be a doctor to do that? dogbert: technically, yes. but i found a workaround. dilbert: which is? dogbert: i tell people i'm a doctor. patient: doctor, i have a sharp pain in the back of my thigh. dogbert: are you sitting on a rake? patient: that's a weird question. oh. wait, i am. what should i do? dogbert: try picking up leaves with your hands.