Everybody Likes Project Comic Strips - Page 76
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Dilbert sits at a conference table with several people. The man next to Dilbert says, "My project is a whole new paradigm." Dilbert asks, "What's a paradigm?" The man replies, "Heh-heh . . . 'What's a paradigm' . . . Funny." Dilbert says, "Seriously, what is it?" The man replies, "You know . . . Paradigm, paradigmish . . ." The man continues, "As in 'this project is a paradigm.'" The man says, "But enough about my project . . . Tell us about your project." Dilbert says, "It's a paradigm." Another man says, "My project is a paradigm too." Dilbert whispers to the man sitting next to him, "They bought it."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert says as he looks through some transparencies, "I'm putting together a presentation for the Big Boss's staff meeting. We hear he likes geometry." Dogbert reads a transparency that says, "Rectangles: the misunderstood parallelograms." Dogbert says, "It's bound to spark controversy." Dilbert says, "We believe in open communication."
Dilbert enters a conference room and asks, "Is this the meeting?" People at the table mumble a response. Dilbert says, "Good." A man says, "Everybody take a copy of the agenda." Dilbert reads the agenda and thinks, "I'm in the wrong meeting . . . Now it's too awkward to leave." Dilbert thinks, "I'll casually stretch my arms, flick the lights off and escape under cover of dark." Dilbert turns the light off. Several people say, "Ouch!" Five people lie on top of each other in the doorway. The man says, "Oh, sorry, wrong agenda." Dilbert arrives at home wearing tattered clothing. He tells Dogbert, "I'm starting to think that the problem with our economy is deeper than high interest rates."
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I feel like I'm being judged by everybody I see." Dilbert asks, "Why can't people accept other people as they are, without judging them?" Dogbert holds up a card with the score "7.5" written on it. Dogbert says, "It was a good speech, but it lacked emotion."
Dogbert sits on a park bench next to a chef. The chef says, "I haven't been able to get a job in two years." The chef continues, "It's because everybody knows my brother is in jail. People think I must be dishonest too." The chef concludes, "You should not judge a cook by its brother." Dogbert replies, "He probably says the same about you."
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to introduce the new guy to everybody." Dilbert thinks, "Groan." The Boss walks away thinking, "This way I never have to learn their names." Dilbert tells the new guy, "The first stop on our odyssey is Bud." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Bud, this is the new guy, and vice versa." The new guy smiles. Bud looks up from the newspaper and says, "What's this?! Another pink-bottomed, Ivy League, management 'trainee'?!" Bud shouts, "In MY day, you had to start at the bottom . . . And by golly, you STAYED there!!" The new guy asks, "How long have you worked here?" Bud replies, "A week . . . This happens pretty quickly."
The strip is titled, "Women's guide to avoiding Dilbert." The caption says, "Wear stereo headphones, look straight ahead and outrun him." Dilbert chases a jogger asking, "What's your name?" The woman ignores him. The caption says, "Comb your hair over your face to avoid accidental eye contact." Dilbert waves his hands at a woman but her hair covers her eyes. The caption says, "Travel in groups and make it clear you will dissect any man." A woman tells three other women, "I've noticed that all men have B.O. (body odor)." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "Drive to and from secret destinations in fast cars." Dilbert watches a woman drive by in a sports car. He thinks, "I wonder where she lives?" The caption says, "Mention a boyfriend in every sentence." Dilbert says, "Nice weather." The woman replies, "My boyfriend likes weather." The caption says, "Never attend a ladies' night activity." Dilbert stands in a bar with three other men. He thinks, "No women . . . I wonder what tipped them off." The caption says, "Never give out your real phone number." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "This only has three digits." The woman says, "Everybody knows me there."
The Boss gestures toward an employee and says to Dilbert and another man, "I'd like to recognize Wilson for working twenty-hour days and making the project a success." The man says, "Thanks, but I'm not Wilson. He quit months ago." The Boss says, "Oh . . ." The Boss walks away thinking, "I've got to sop calling this the employee recognition program."
Mother Nature: Okay, everybody off! Let's go, get off!! Dilbert: ? Mother nature? Mother Nature: Move along now. Find another planet. Dilbert: But... But... Mother Nature: Shoo! Come back when all the plastic is gone.
Dilbert stands across from the Boss's desk. The Boss tells Dilbert, "This is a very interesting employee suggestion." Dilbert replies, "Thank you, sir." The Boss says, "If I read this correctly . . ." The Boss continues, "You observed that everybody is smarter than his boss . . ." Dilbert says, "Exactly . . . So we all just switch jobs with our bosses and boost productivity by 200 percent!!" The Boss says, "I've decided to do a limited trial . . ." A janitor enters the room and tells Dilbert, "Something died in the stairwell. Take care of it."