Computer Code Comic Strips - Page 76

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761 Results for Computer Code

View 751 - 760 results for computer code comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Code" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #computers, #intelligence, #technology, #trick, #humans

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Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Small Managers

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Small Managers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #engineering, #frustration, #office workers, #sarcasm, #clients

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Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!

How Long Will It Take

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How Long Will It Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #office, #office workers

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the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?

Your Quote Is High

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Your Quote Is High - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #computer software, #office, #sales, #sales personnel, #quote

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dilbert: your quote is a bit high. can you do it cheaper? salesman: yes, we offer a low-cost option that involves me talking about the software, but you can't have it. dilbert: what would be the point of that? salesman: you're the one who brought it up.

Boss Recommends Blockchain

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Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

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CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Read The Manual

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Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #employees, #frustrated, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology

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Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.

Dilbert Murders Robots

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Dilbert Murders Robots - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #business, #robot, #technology, #human resources, #bad behavior, #reboot, #murder, #plot, #erase

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dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.

Transfer Money To The Rich

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Transfer Money To The Rich - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #technology, #cloud, #social, #change, #transfer, #money, #low-income, #rich, #wrong, #efficient

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dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich. dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong. dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.

Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server

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Dilbert Has To Upgrade Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #business, #technology, #network, #upgrade, #server, #boss, #latency, #locks, #garage, #sleep, #face mask, #work from home

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dilbert wearing face mask and carrying computer bag: i'm going into the office to upgrade a server. according to my boss, reducing network latency is more important than my life. can i depend on you to not change the locks while i'm gone? dogbert: only if you sleep in the garage.

No Lunch With You

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No Lunch With You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diseases, #lunch, #office workers, #rejection, #virus, #pandemic, #invitation, #social distancing

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Dilbert: Would you like to join me for lunch? Woman: I don't even want to be in the same zip code as your diseased mouth. No offense. Dilbert: None taken.