Every Day Retribution Comic Strips - Page 76
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Share April 07, 2002's comic on:
Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The man on the other end of the line replies, "My printer prints a blank page after every document." Dogbert says, "Why would you complain about getting free paper?" The man responds, "Free? Isn't it just giving me my own paper?" Dogbert replies, "Egad, man! Look at the quality of the free paper compared to your lousy regular paper!" Dogbert continues, "Only a fool or a liar would say they look the same!" The man responds, "Now that you mention it, it does seem silkier." Dilbert approaches Dogbert and asks, "What are you doing?" Dogbert replies, "I'm helping people accept the things they can't change."
Share May 12, 2002's comic on:
Wally is in his cubicle. Asok approaches and exclaims, "This is an outrage!" Wally asks, "What?" Asok raises his arms and yells, "The so-called 'Working Lunch' tomorrow!" Asok continues, "They're stealing the only free time I have during the day!" Asok continues, "They give us some lousy sandwiches and expect us to work during lunch! Bah!" Asok exclaims, "IS NOTHING SACRED?!!" Asok asks Wally, "Why doesn't this bother you?" Wally responds, "I plan to eat their sandwiches and go to lunch after the meeting." Asok halts and says, "I... I can actually feel the wind beneath my wings!" Wally responds, "Sorry."
Share June 23, 2002's comic on:
The Boss is with another man and introduces him to Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to interview Matt for our department." Dilbert asks Matt, "There's a three-year gap in your work history. What were you doing?" Matt replies, "One day I was balancing my checkbook and noticed a bank error." Matt continues, "So I embarked on a three-year mission to make the bank admit its mistake!" Matt continues, "I worked the phones day and night, rarely eating or bathing." Matt continues, "Then came the sit-ins, the media frenzy and the landmark court case." Matt exclaims, "The bank claimed that seven minus four is three. And I'm like, 'Since when?'" After the interview, The Boss asks Dilbert, "Would he fit in?" Dilbert replies, "Unfortunately, yes."
Share December 01, 2002's comic on:
The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, research this expense and find out what it's for." Dilbert looks at the paper and says, "It's only $2.37." Dilbert exclaims, "It could take all day to track down!" Dilbert continues, "I'm a highly trained engineer, not a clerk." Dilbert crumples up the paper and exclaims, "How can you justify wasting a valuable employee like me on a trivial task like this?!!" The Boss responds, "That reminds me: your project got canceled. This is your only assignment." The Boss does a dance and exclaims, "Woo-hoo! In your face!!!" As The Boss walks away, he thinks, "I wonder if he'll find out I spent $2.37 on his "kudos" award."
Share March 25, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says, "Tina, I have to give you a performance rating of 'Poor' because you did no work this year." Tina exclaims, "No work?" Tina says, "I wrote hundreds of technical documents this year!" Tina continues to The Boss, "I worked seventy hours a week!" Tina continues, "I e-mailed every one of the documents to you..." Tina continues, "... With instructions to forward them with your approval to the end users." The Boss says, "That reminds me: I don't know how to open attachments." Tina says to Dilbert, "Why didn't you tell me you never got my documents?" Dilbert asks, "Who are you?"
Share September 02, 2001's comic on:
Alice is sitting at her desk. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "Alice, meet our new sales manager." Alice stands up. The Pigboy enters and stands next to The Boss. The Boss says, "He's a Pigboy who makes inappropriate comments every five minutes." The Boss turns to the Pigboy and says, "Somehow he slipped through our rigorous employment screening process." The Boss looks at his watch and says, "Whoa! His five minutes are up." The Pigboy starts, "So Alice..." Blocking the rest of the Pigboy's comment is "Inappropriate Comment Deleted." The Boss is chuckling. Alice says, "That was very clever. Now let me try one." Alice's pushes The Boss out of the way and screams profanity at the Pigboy. Her comment is also blocked by, "Inappropriate Comment Deleted." The Pigboy's head has exploded. Visibly frazzled, The Boss turns to Alice and asks, "How did you learn to swear like that?" Alice responds, "I used to date a one-eyed carpenter."
Share October 07, 2001's comic on:
Alice is sitting at her computer. The Boss approaches from behind with a package in his hand and says, "Happy service anniversary, Alice." The Boss continues, "We're out of twenty-year pins so I got twenty of the one- year pins." The Boss hands Alice the package and says, "You can pin these babies all over your blouse... or fishing hat if you prefer." The Boss continues, "The card says, 'To Kathy' but it was never opened. For some reason she quit the day she got her twenty pins." The Boss continues, "Incidentally, I have to charge you $262 for the pins. The company doesn't pay for them." Alice holds the box angrily. Alice responds, "First of all, I've only worked here for about six years.." The Boss interrupts, "Wow, you look older. Anyway, just give me the $262 and throw away eight pins and we'll call it good." Alice rolls up her sleeve and shakes with anger. She holds one arm back with the other. The Boss asks, "Why are you rolling up your sleeve? Are you going to pin them to your arm?
Share November 11, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, I have to downsize you." Ted turns around and asks, "Was I doing a bad job?" The Boss replies, "No, it's more complicated than that." Ted asks, "Is my essential function being eliminated?" The Boss answers, "No, the problem is that someone in marketing spent too much for a trade show booth." The Boss continues, "So every manager had to submit a list of potential cost reductions." The Boss continues, "I might have accidentally sent the department phone list as an e-mail attachment." Ted mumbles, "*%! $@." The Boss thinks, "There are lots of whiners in "A" through "M."
Share November 25, 2001's comic on:
The Boss says, "I'm happy to announce that we're being acquired by a foreign company." The Boss continues, "Don't worry that they'll dominate us. This will be a merger of equals." He points to a sign that reads, "Merger of Equals." The Boss continues, "Except that they make money and we don't." The Boss continues, "And their CEO will lead the combined company." Dilbert, Wally, and Alice sit at the conference table. The Boss' voice continues, "And every one of them is a giant." The Boss continues, "And they've developed their latent psychic abilities so they can cause pain from a distance." The Boss grabs his head in pain and exclaims, "Gaaa!! I'm sorry I said too much! You are my master!!" Dilbert turns to Wally and asks, "Are you worried?" Wally replies, "Nah. If they read my mind, they'll all go blind."
Share December 16, 2001's comic on:
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally approaches and asks, "Is it okay if I work from home one day a week?" The Boss responds, "How would I know you were working?" Wally responds, "How do you know I'm working when I'm HERE?" The Boss responds, "When you're here, I know you're unhappy and that's the same thing as work." Wally responds, "What if I invent a hideously uncomfortable hat to wear when I'm working at home?" The Boss responds, "Well... that might be okay." The Boss continues, "But it has to be extremely uncomfortable or else it isn't work." Wally sits in his living room. He has a clamp tightened around his head and has turned blue. He thinks, "Hee Hee! The joke's on him - it isn't that uncomfortable."