Fat Man Comic Strips - Page 76

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #key to success, #really fast, #speed, #ok to fail

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Pointing to a picture of a man running, the Boss says to his staff "Speed is the key to success." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Is it okay to do things wrong if we're really fast?" The Boss answers, "Um...no." Wally says to Dilbert, "Now I'm all confused. Thank you very much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dysfunctional family, #worthless, #seventy hours, #weekly, #more like you, #screams at worker

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The boss is sitting across from a terrified looking person. The boss says, "I understand that you were raised in a dysfunctional family." The man says, "Yes" The boss yells, "You're gonna work seventy hours a week or you're worthless!!" The man says, "You love me." The boss says, "Are there any more like you at home?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #kiss daughter goodnight, #working too hard

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A man is standing in front of the boss. The man says, "You're working me too hard! I want to get home in time to kiss my daughter goodnight!" The man continues, "And I'm not the only one who feels this way." The boss says, "I've seen your daughter and I'm fairly certain you're the only one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staying real, #keeping to core, #good, #duuude, #say thing, #no meaning

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A male employee says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, my man, you're stayin' real and keepin' to the core." Dilbert asks, "Is that good?" The employee says, "I don't even know what it means." Dilbert asks, "Why do you say things that have no meaning?" The employee answers, "Du-u-u-de!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jruy duty, #what excuse, #happy to serve, #civic responsibility, #insanity, #good one

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Dilbert is sitting in the jury room with two other people. The man sitting next to him asks, "What excuse are you planning to use?" Dilbert says to the man, "I'm happy to serve. It's my civic responsibility." The man says to Dilbert, "Insanity; good one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hole in head, #jurors, #jury box, #jury selction, #medical condition, #questioning, #serving, #judge, #legal

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JURY SELECTION JUDGE: JUROR eight, do you have any medical problems that would prevent you from serving? NO, I need jury duty. Judge: Would iy be fair to say you odnt know what you need? MAN HOLE IN HEAD: Why does everyone ask me that>

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excused, #god judge you, #honor, #judge, #jury selction, #legal

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Jury Selection Man In turban: Your honor, It is against my religion to judge others only god may judge Judge: You're excised. Juror: OOH OHH! I just changed my religion! Man In turban: Jerk

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #job interview, #name, #tubby, #human resources dept, #sent resume, #entrepreneur, #toby, #made up name, #business

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Caption reads: "Catbert the Director of Human Resources." Catbert stands on the table in front of a prospective applicant. He says, "So, you want a job here, Tubby?" The man replies, "It's 'Toby.'" Catbert looks at the sheet of paper in his hand and asks, "Did you just correct me?" The man says, "Um..." Catbert turns and shouts at the man, "I alone will determine your name!!" Catbert looks at him and asks, "Now, what is your name?" The man answers, "Tubby." Catbert reads the paper and says, "Tubby, is it true that you're so dumb that you..." Catbert holds out the paper and continues, "...Sent your resume to the human resources department?" The man looks frightened as Catbert continues, "Do you think that's what this department does? Let me show you what I do." The man is seen walking down the hall, his clothes torn into shreds and looking beaten up. The man says, "I think I just became an entrepreneur."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #director, #ceiling collapsed, #complained, #steel beam, #hit head, #happen in home, #losing consciousness, #suicide note, #doubting story, #questioning reality

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Caption: "CAtbert: H.R. Director". Catbert is at his desk. A voice says, "The ceiling in my work area collapsed." A man stands with a still beam stuck on his head. Catbert says, "No one else has complained." The man says, "A steel beam hit me in the head!" Catbert says, "How can I be sure it didn't happen in your home?" The man says, "There aren't any steel beams in my house!!" Catbert says, "Maybe you removed them with your head." The man says, "Uh-oh.... losing consciousness." and falls over. Catbert says, to the man's feet, "If you can hear me, don't worry! I'll write your suicide note!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #topper, #top you, #ruins system, #can't go first

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss is with another man. The Boss says, "Dilbert, meet Topper. He's amazing." Dilbert looks at The Boss and a smirking Topper. The Boss says, "No matter what you say about yourself, he'll top it." Dilbert says to Topper, "How are you?" The Boss looks at Topper as Topper says, "I can't go first. It ruins my system."