Office Workers Comic Strips - Page 76

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Office Workers

View 751 - 760 results for office workers comic strips. Discover the best "Office Workers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new employee, new engineer, sarcasm, shows around, telephone, cubicle, hallway, every foot staep, bad points, office tour, crazy, bad conditions, employement

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Laurie's our new engineer. Show her the ropes, Dilbert." "I meant figuratively." Dilbert: "This is your anti-productivity pod." "It's equipped with a little device that rings anytime you try to concentrate." "The top is open so none of the background noise is inadvertently muffled." "And you're on the main aisle, so you'll be haunted every minute by footsteps behind you. Step...step...step." The Boss: "We need to talk."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags copier paper, laser printer, made mockery, phil, prince of inssufficient light, punishment, tracked speatrely, borrowing paper

View Transcript

Transcript

"Copy Room" "Stop right there!" "It's Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light." "What's in your hands?" "I'm just borrowing some paper for the laser printer. There's no law against that!" "I think we both know that the copier paper and the printer paper are purchased and tracked separately." "You've made a mockery of the system! I darn you to heck!" "Your punishment is to sit at the secretary's cubicle and endure the stale wit of your co-workers." "Hey, Wendy, there's something different about you today!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personal uses, office fax, boss hassles dilberet, fax paper, phone lines, electricity, sent some over, dilbert busts boss, busts boss

View Transcript

Transcript

"It has come to my attention that you used the fax for personal business." "I sent the fax during lunch. It was a local call." "You're using up all of our fax paper." "No, I sent a fax. The paper doesn't travel through the phone lines." "It doesn't?" "You used the company's electricity." "I had a friend fax us a wad of extra electricity." "I'm using it right now to power my pc." "Did you get any extra electricity? My pc is out." "Press the button on the back and I'll fax you some."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags strategic planning team, satisfaction, vague emotional terms, mediocre thinkers, believe options, steer the company, viewgraphs, last years viewgraph

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "I'm putting you on the strategic planning team." The Boss continues, "It's like work but without the satisfaction of accomplishing anything." Dilbert and three co-workers sit at a conference table. A man says, "You're new, so let me explain how this works." The man continues, "We have meetings and talk about the company's strategy in vague emotional terms." The man continues, "In time, we convince ourselves that we're more than mediocre thinkers who sit around complaining." The man continues, "We start believing our opinions will steer the company. We feel important. We feel ALIVE!!" A woman tells Dilbert, "Then we snap out of it and make viewgraphs that say we should keep doing what we're doing." Dilbert says, "I like making viewgraphs." The woman replies, "Actually, we use last year's viewgraph."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags open door policy, new vp, drop in, last vp was aloof, sourballs, furniture, cubicles are hot, huge insincere spider

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss evil, entity from another dimension, synergies, win win solution, delight every customer, new internet access, tour of cubicles

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist asks, "When did you start believing that your boss was an evil entity from another dimension?" Dilbert imagines the Boss telling him, "I'd like to sit in on your customer meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss, Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let me share the high level strategic view." Dilbert thinks, "Here we go." The Boss spreads his arms and says, "Life began in the primordial stew literally hundreds of years ago . . ." The Boss continues, "But we are the only company who ever found synergies in our win-win solutions!" The caption says, "Two hours later." The Boss says, "And we won't sop until we delight every customer!" The woman looks shocked and Dilbert covers his eyes. The customer says, "I'd be delighted if you just told me about your new Internet access product." The Boss replies, "I cancelled the funding yesterday." The Boss stands up and says, "Who's up for a tour of our cubicles?" Dilbert says, "Gotta go."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, janitor, over time pay, 75k per year, basment, reading magazines, fishing, engineer, no over time, Sports, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The janitor stands in her cubicle door and says, "Working late again, huh, Alice?" Alice says, "Seventy hours this week . . ." The janitor replies, "Me too. Thank goodness for overtime pay!" Alice looks shocked and asks, "Overtime pay?" The janitor says, "Allow me to explain." The janitor draws a graph and says, "Unlike you so-called 'exempt' employees, my income increases if I work additional hours." The janitor continues, "I'm pulling in seventy-five thousand a year. And half the time I just hide in the basement reading 'Fishing' magazine." The janitor continues, "The only down side is that I don't get to enjoy the intellectual stimulation of my co-workers the way you do." The janitor sits in the basement reading a magazine. He thinks, "I don't know what I like better - deep sea fishing or cubicle fishing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags feeling of doom, room mate, Dilbert, fiancee department, budget, square footage

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Why do I have a feeling of impending doom?" The Boss peeks into Dilbert's cubicle. The Boss says, "Good news!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss says, "You won't have to spend another lonely day in this tiny cubicle." Dilbert asks, "I'm getting an office?" The Boss replies, "Better! You're getting a roommate!" Dilbert shouts, "Why??? We've got plenty of empty cubicles! Our company owns the whole building!" The Boss says, "The finance department charges my budget for the square footage we use." Dilbert looks over the cubicle wall and says to the Boss, "It's a false savings! You're hurting the company!" The Boss walks away thinking, "All I hear is a faint buzzing." Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Oh, well. How bad could it be?" A man wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a can of beans and a radio says, "I hope you like baked beans and square-dancing as much as I do!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss zone, no time, no logic, urgent work, relax, work smarter, not harder, angel of cynicism, inspirational moral, freedom, not caring, quality of work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Go home, Dilbert. Relax! You're working too hard!" Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "You told me to finish this by tomorrow. You said it's urgent." The Boss waves his arms and says, "Relax! Go home! Shoo!" The caption says, "Suddenly Dilbert is sucked into the 'Boss Zone' where time and logic do not apply." Dilbert's head disappears into a hole in time. Dilbert floats by the Boss's head and asks, "How can I relax AND do urgent work at the same time?" The Boss replies, "Work smarter, not harder." Dilbert grabs his head and screams. The caption says, "Mercifully, the angel of cynicism appears." Dogbert flies up to Dilbert and says, "Slap something together in the morning. He won't look at it anyway." The caption says, "The inspirational moral . . ." Dilbert puts his coat on and leaves the office. He sings, "Freedom's just another word for not caring about the quality of your work!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business language, competetive, salary increase goodbye, core business, lost, empowered, unimportant deciosns, reengineering, essential, people person, canibal, hire trained people, market driven, balme cutsomers, value employee input, hour, important

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a desk. The panel is titled "Business Language Explained." Someone says, "We have to be more competitive." Dilbert and Wally wear barrels instead of clothing. Wally says, "Nice barrel." Dilbert replies, "This old thing?" The caption says, "Meaning: Say goodbye to salary increases." Someone says, "We must focus on our core business." The Boss feels his head and says, "Hello." The caption says, "Meaning: We can't find our butts with both hands." Someone says, "You are empowered." Alice sits at her desk wearing a crown and saying, "I proclaim this to be 'Green Ink Day.'" The caption says, "Meaning: You're the monarch of unimportant decisions." Someone says, "We're reengineering your function." A man and a horse are kicked out an office window. The caption says, "Meaning: Adios, Tonto, and the horse you rode in on." Someone says, "Training is essential." A man at a desk asks, "You were a cannibal?" A man wearing a grass skirt and a bone in his hair replies, "I'm a people person." The caption says, "Meaning: We're trying to hire some trained people." Someone says, "We're market driven." A woman doing research asks a man, "What's your favorite odor?" The caption says, "Meaning: We blame customers for our lack of innovation." Someone says, "We value employee input." Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for listening." The Boss laughs hysterically. The caption says, "Meaning: We think humor is important."