Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 77
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991 Results for Nose Job
View 761 - 770 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 16,
2007
Tags contract changes, last month, negotiate, not authorized, hope to wear you down
Transcript
Dilbert: "You didn't make any of the contract changes we agreed on last month." Ted: "That's how I negotiate." "I'm not authorized to make any changes to the contract." "And the executives who have that power will think I'm not doing my job if I ask them to do it." "So I agree to everything you ask, then I don't put any of it in the contract." "Over the course of several months I hope to wear you down and make you sign the contract as is." Dilbert: "Can you at least change section three the way I asked? Ted: "Sure. No problem." "I'll see you in a month."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday October 21,
2007
Tags help alice, argument, team work, control killing
Transcript
Wally: My accomplishment this week was helping Alice finish her project in a timely manner." Alice: "You didn't do anything to help me." Wally: "Sure I did." "Remember when I came to your cubicle to ask for some data I need for my project?" "You said you were too busy, and shooed me away." Alice: "If I had insisted on doing my job, you would have had less time to do yours." Wally: "It's called teamwork." "Are we still big on that?" Alice: "Must control...First...Of...Death."
Sunday November 18,
2007
Tags career day, classroom, guest speaker, Dilbert, engineering, tells all, explaining things, to idiots, make decisions, misinterpreting, massic=ve problems, rumors overwhelm, assign blame, unpopular
Transcript
Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."
Sunday December 30,
2007
Tags impressive resume, promoted, management, money and pretige, doing less work, opportunity, abuse subordinates, fluent managerese, love interviewing
Transcript
CEO: "Alice, your resume is impressive." "Tell me why you want to be promoted to management." Alice: "Well. Obviously there's the money and prestige." "I'm also attracted by the prospect of doing much less work." "The opportunity to abuse subordinates is a big plus." "And I speak fluent Managerese. Watch this..." "Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh" Dilbert: "Did you really want that job?" Alice: "No, but I love interviewing!"
Tuesday August 14,
2007
Tags assisnation, campigning, hateful, rat, running mate, unpopular, vice presidentail
Transcript
Dogbert: "Ratbert, I want you to be my vice presidential running mate." "Your job is to be so unpopular that no one will want to assassinate me." Ratbert: "I can do that!" Dilbert: "Seriously. Stop campaigning on my shoe." grrr!!!
Tuesday August 28,
2007
Tags wealthy investor, list of cutomers, products to injure, lawyer, contract, list, legal
Transcript
The Boss: We financed our expansion by selling the goodwill on our balance sheet to a wealthy investor. Dogbert: "I made a list of the customers that I want your products to injure." "Your lawyer did a bad job on the contract." The Boss: "His name is on your list."
Saturday September 15,
2007
Tags vp of marketing, spray paint the oadkill, dishonesty, isn't mortal, won't work
Transcript
Dogbert, the VP of marketing Dogbert: "It's my job to spraypaint the roadkill." "I'll use a process the experts call 'dishonesty'." "My motto is 'if it isn't immoral, it probably won't work'."
Tuesday October 23,
2007
Tags fascinating internet, physical world, find joy, hot on iphone, back to cucbilce
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't do my work because the internet is too fascinating. "The physical world no longer hold my interest. I find job only on the internet." "Can I take a hit on your iphone before I go back to my cubicle?" Catbert: "No."
Saturday November 24,
2007
Tags cansisate, resume, spelling errors, hire a moron, poor perfromance, bigger reaise, interview skills, crazy good, manipulate, job interview
Transcript
Dilbert: "Your resume is riddled with spelling errors. Why should we hire a moron?" Candidate: "My poor performance would make you look good in comparison. you'll get a bigger raise if I work here." The boss: "What do you think of him?" Dilbert: "Well, his interview skills are crazy good."
Saturday December 08,
2007
Tags prototype, killed asok, clone, reincarnate, snack jar, snicker, feel nuts
Transcript
"Your prototype killed Asok. That means it is your job to clone him and hope he reincarnates into the clone." "Carol used his DNA container for a snack jar, so be careful." "Why do I feel nuts?" "You're part snickers bar."

