Best Plan Comic Strips - Page 77

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

792 Results for Best Plan

View 761 - 770 results for best plan comic strips. Discover the best "Best Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

Ceo Has Pandemic Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Has Pandemic Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #video conference, #stock market, #money, #rich, #lost, #pandemic, #health, #underpay, #stategy

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you. video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy. ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.

Virus Hellscape

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virus Hellscape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #diseases, #office workers, #virus, #pandemic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have ten munutes to come talk to me about the project timeline. Dilbert: Yes, but it isn't worth exposing myself to you virus-droplet hellscape. Boss: I'll just guess what you would have said. Dilbert: I think that's best.

Getting Opinions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Getting Opinions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #input, #dumb, #human, #universe, #Opinion, #strategy, #worse

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.

Lack Of Social Contact

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lack Of Social Contact - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #pandemic, #technology, #social, #contact, #best, #week, #covid, #cope

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally and Dilbert at coffee pot wearing face masks. dilbert: how did you cope with the loss of social contact during the pandemic? wally: best weeks of my life. how about you? dilbert: i didn't want to be the first to say it.

First Time For Everything

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
First Time For Everything - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #amazing, #business, #business plan, #concept, #first time, #good, #managers & supervisors, #new, #pandemic, #face mask, #covid

View Transcript

Transcript

boss and wally wearing face masks. boss: why should we do what you are suggesting when literally no one has ever tried it before? wally: because everything good and amazing had to be done by someone for the first time. boss: will this be good and amazing? wally: let's keep this on the concept level.

Reasonable Assumptions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Reasonable Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #plan, #reasonable, #unreasonable, #assumptions, #job, #face mask, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert wearing face mask: i ran the numbers, and your plan does not work under any reasonable set of assumptions. boss wearing face mask: have you tried "unreasonable assumptions?" dilbert: why would i do that? boss: well, to keep your job, for example.

Spreading Virus

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spreading Virus  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coronavirus, #covid-19, #business, #health, #spread, #face mask, #happiness, #immune system, #medical, #Advice, #doctor, #manage

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: they say the best way to manage the coronavirus is to spread it to people you dislike. the happiness you get from that will boost your immune system. dilbert: maybe i'll get medical advice from an actual doctor. dogbert: they leave out the good stuff.

No Update Needed

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
No Update Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #assignment, #face mask, #managers & supervisors, #project, #robot, #sarcasm, #technology, #update

View Transcript

Transcript

asok: would you like an update on my project? boss: no, not really. i only give you the projects i don't care about. asok: i just lost my will to live. boss: that is exactly why i plan to replace you with a robot.

Astrology Filter

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Astrology Filter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #Astrology, #business, #incoherent, #sense, #strategic, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert looking at laptop: your strategic technology plan was incoherent. i had to run it through an astrology filter to make sense out of it. boss video conferencing: and? dilbert: it says you are "full of taurus" and your plan "is a cancer." boss: sounds right.