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Character
Wednesday February 03,
2021
Cake For Ted
Tags business, office workers, cake, conference, birthday, invite, sarcasm
Transcript
wally: we're having cake in the conference room for ted's birthday. dilbert: i don't like ted. wally: no one does. we didn't invite him. dilbert: then why are we having an event for him? wally: we like cake?
Tuesday February 02,
2021
General Incompetence
Tags business, technology, project, success, expectations, destroy, incompetent, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: in summary, my project was successful beyond all expectations. Colleague: my relative lack of success this year makes me hate you and want to destroy you. dilbert: what's stopping you? colleague: general incompetence. same thing that killed all of my projects.
Monday February 01,
2021
Blaming The Last Manager
Tags business, managers & supervisors, wrong, fault, manager, inherited, problem, excellent, leadership
Transcript
boss: everything that went wrong this year was the fault of the prior manager. i inherited his problems. dilbert: but everything that went right was because of your excellent leadership? boss: no jumping ahead.
Sunday January 31,
2021
Lazy People Are Efficient
Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, efficient, projects, lazy, assignments, useful
Transcript
wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.
Saturday January 30,
2021
Dogbert The Bitcoin Billionaire
Tags business, pandemic, billionaire, covert, plan, rule, planet, progress, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: this pandemic has been hard for all of us. dogbert: not me. i became a bitcoin billionaire and made progress on my covert plan of ruling over the planet. dilbert: why am i just hearing this? dogbert: because i'm good at it.
Friday January 29,
2021
Alice Needs A Snack
Thursday January 28,
2021
Ted The First Gay And Disabled Person
Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, business, disabled, token, gay, homosexual, celebrate, employment
Transcript
boss: ted, the company wants to celebrate you as the first disabled gay person to hold this job. ted: but... i'm neither gay nor disabled. boss: the celebration is next week, so you have plenty of time to fix that.
Wednesday January 27,
2021
Doing Nothing Is A Decision
Tags business, harsh, hate, lazy, managers & supervisors, progress, projects, sarcasm, technology
Transcript
boss with laptop and on video chat: wally, it seems that once again you have made no progress on any of your projects. wally: it looks that way from the outside but what you have to understand is that not doing something is also a decision. boss: i literally hate talking to you. wally: harsh.
Tuesday January 26,
2021
Teamwork But
Tags technology, business, teamwork, limit, competition, salary, funds, battle, meeting, thinking, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."
Monday January 25,
2021
Customers Are Dead People
Tags business, business ethics, customer, lists, dead, alive, lie, activist, sarcasm
Transcript
dilbert: activists are accusing us of padding our customer list with the names of dead people. boss: that's a lie. those customers were alive when they bought our products. dilbert: did they die while using them? boss: let's hope the activists don't ask that question.


