Business Failures/Bankruptcies Comic Strips - Page 77
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1000 Results for Business Failures/Bankruptcies
View 761 - 770 results for business failures/bankruptcies comic strips. Discover the best "Business Failures/Bankruptcies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday July 27,
2016
Biggest Obstacle
Tuesday July 26,
2016
Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies
Tags human resources, hr, funeral, time off, bereavement, business
Transcript
Wally: I need to take some bereavement time, with pay, because my cousin Ronnie died. Catbert: Cousins don't count unless you married one. Wally: We were domestic partners. What's the police on that, you bigot?
Sunday July 24,
2016
Tags capitalism, big business, competition, benefit
Transcript
CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.
Saturday July 09,
2016
Ted Has Fly Brain
Tags greeting card, sick, brain damage, marketing, advertising, mindless, business, medical
Transcript
Carol: Sign this card for Ted. A fly went up his nose and laid eggs in his brain. Dilbert: Is he coming back to work? Carol: We think he'll live out his days in Marketing.
Friday July 08,
2016
Ted Has No Family
Tags human resources, judgement, deciding, business
Transcript
Catbert: Ted went on extended disability because a fly went up his nose and laid eggs. Boss: I want to be green, but I don't know if I should side with the fly or the employee in this situation. Catbert: Well, for what it's worth, Ted doesn't have a family, but the fly does.
Wednesday May 11,
2016
Company Policy About Dating
Tags dating, relationships, office romance, policy, legal issues, human resources, business
Transcript
Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.
Monday April 18,
2016
Government Wants Access To Data
Tags national security, privacy, technology, big business, terrorism
Transcript
CEO: The government wants us to make software that can unlock the encrypted data of our users. Either we choose privacy or national security. Should we betray our customers or should we enable terrorists? Figure out which one is more profitable and get back to me. Boss: On it.
Saturday April 16,
2016
Being More Honest
Tags marketing, advertising, honesty, cover-up, performance, shortcoming, business
Transcript
Dilbert: My tests show we underperform our competition on nine out of eleven dimensions. Boss: Give the two good ones to Marketing. We can't be more honest than that. Dilbert: I'm almost certain we can. Boss: No, we really can't.
Saturday April 09,
2016
New Ted
Tags hiring, generic, job, placeholder, disposable, guest artist, brenna thummler, business
Transcript
Ted: My name is Ted. I'm applying for this job of generic white guy. Boss: We just lost our Ted. You look perfect for the job. Ted: Is there anything I should know about the job? Boss: It doesn't end well.
Wednesday April 06,
2016
Ted Has A Ravine Option
Tags cruelty, empathy, hr, human resources, mean, guest artist, brenna thummler, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Ted: Dilbert said he wants me to drive into a ravine. Catbert: I want that too. I didn't realize it was an option. Ted: Perhaps I have come tot he wrong place. Catbert: I hear good things about the ravine.

