How To Comic Strips - Page 77

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for How To

View 761 - 770 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags present, software engineer, give, program, product, box, hand, receive, look, Features, criticize, depressed, first copy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "As lead software engineer, I give you the first unit of our ten thousand copy production run." Dilbert says, "Wow! I wish we'd designed it with the features listed on the box. That would have been awesome." The Boss says, "What?" Dilbert says, "I'll put this with the other reminders of how my life could have been excellent."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cancel project, office politics, boss, bald, goatee, children, staff, let off steam, Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Executive says, "I'm going to cancel your project because my predecessor supported it." Executive says, "And I'll need a list of any children he fathered with the staff. It's best if you don't ask why." The Boss says, "I don't think he?" Executive says, "We all do. It's how we let off steam."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ombudsman, management, dispute, consultation, question, soul, value, creepy, no pupils, blank eyes, carefree attitude, envy, devil

View Transcript

Transcript

The New Ombudsman Asok says, "How can you be impartial in my dispute with management when they are the ones paying you?" Helen Fry says, "Perhaps you have something of value that would allow me to see your side." Wally says, "He's creepy without his soul, but I envy his carefree attitude."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags heaven, hell, helvin, died, angels, demons, union, outsource, scared, harp, unsure, halo

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I think I died. Am I in heaven or hell?" Raj says, "You're in Helvin. My name is Raj." Raj says, "Heaven and hell have been outsourcing souls to us since the demons and angels unionized." The Boss says, "So? is this place good or bad?" Raj says, "Well, you get a harp, but you won't like how we give it to you."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags security, canceled, accident, help, scared, nervous, ductwork, forage, stale donuts, manage, small vent

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags standing, project, coffee, matter

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, ?Another division needs your help for a six-month project.? Dilbert says, ?Who will do my work here?? The Boss says, ?You'll keep doing this job too, but only the things that matter.? Dilbert says, ?How long have I been doing things that don't matter?? The Boss says, ?Oops.?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, sitting, frustrated, value, useful, ceo, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, ?Our CEO asked each manager to describe his group's function on one slide.? The Boss says, ?I don't see how I can fit all of our various functions on one powerpoint slide.? Dilbert says, ?You could say, 'we spend all of our time trying to convince others that we have value.'? The Boss says, ?That's not all we do.? Alice says, ?Sometimes we also argue about what we do.? The Boss says, ?That's just what we're doing right now. Tomorrow we'll be doing something totally useful.? Dilbert says, ?Maybe you could add a footnote to the slide that says, 'we dream of someday being productive.'? Dilbert says, ?Or you could exaggerate our accomplishments to create a misleading sense of our potential.? The Boss says, ?Yes!? The Boss says, ?What have we accomplished lately?? Wally says, ?We got paid for planning to lie to our CEO.?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags informing, admitting, laziness, bragging, shocked

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "We've never worked together so let me tell you how this will go down." Wally says, "You'll expect me to contribute, and you will be disappointed at every turn. In the long run you will do everything yourself." Woman says, "How do you stay employed?" Wally says, "DOn't make me call myself a genius."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags club, bad decisions, embarassed, disguise, mustache

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's society for people who always make bad decisions." Dogbert says, "I'd like to thank each of you for choosing the platinum stain protection plan with your membership dues." Dogbert says, "If your reputations gets stained by being in this group, the brochure will teach you how grow a mustache disguise." <Man says, "What if I already have one?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, bidders, cost, invoice, bid, crooked

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "This invoice is for twice as much as your bid." The Man says, "Duh. You wouldn't have given us the job if we told you how much it was really going to cost." Man says, "If it makes you feel any better, all of the other bidders lied too. We're just better at it."