Two Warning System Comic Strips - Page 77

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

848 Results for Two Warning System

View 761 - 770 results for two warning system comic strips. Discover the best "Two Warning System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Carol Leaves Kids

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Leaves Kids - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #babysitter, #children, #supervision, #date night, #parents, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Dilbert should be here soon to fill in for the babysitter. Your dad and I need to leave now. Just let him in. We turned off our phones, so don't try to reach us on our date night. Narrator: Two hours later. Boy: I don't think he's coming. Girl: I say we Airbnb this place.

Boss Is Bad Negotiator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is Bad Negotiator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #haggle, #money, #negotation, #negotiating, #raise, #salary, #trick, #eric scott

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I just learned that our boss is a bad negotiator. Wally: How bad? Asok: I just negotiated a 3.3-million-dollar raise for myself. And I want 80 percent of the raises you two get because I told you. Dilbert and Wally: 75 percent is our final offer!

The Elbonian Religion

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Elbonian Religion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #culture, #customs, #killing, #law, #offense, #Religion, #guest artist, #joel friday

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you Elbonians have a religion? Elbonian: Of course we do! We're not savages! We believe in killing anyone who offends us three times in a row. Dilbert: Harsh. Elbonian: That's two.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

Being More Honest

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Being More Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2016's comic on:


Tags #marketing, #advertising, #honesty, #cover-up, #performance, #shortcoming, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My tests show we underperform our competition on nine out of eleven dimensions. Boss: Give the two good ones to Marketing. We can't be more honest than that. Dilbert: I'm almost certain we can. Boss: No, we really can't.

For The Good Of The Country

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
For The Good Of The Country - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #apple, #iphone, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #encryption

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The government wants us to make software to crack our own encryption. Dilbert: That sounds evil. Boss: It's for the good of the country. Dilbert: Can I test it on your phone? Boss: You'd have to kill me first. Dilbert: That would be two good things for the country.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #unrealistic, #project, #group, #laziness, #prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

Wally's Lateness Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Lateness Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #excuse, #lying

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why are you two hours late for work? Wally: Your wife didn't want to bother you, so she called me and asked if I would go to your house and see if she left her curling iron plugged in. Do you believe me, or do you want to risk being the first person she calls next time. Boss: Well played.

Wally Is Employee Of The Year

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Is Employee Of The Year - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #cheating, #referral, #employment, #reward, #award, #bonus, #proof, #guest artist, #jake tapper

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our Employee Of The Year is Wally, for referring so many new people to work in engineering. We believe he accomplished this feat by manipulating the referral system, but we can't prove it. So just to hedge our bet, we misspelled his name on the certificate. Wally: I had it coming.

Wally Might Be Jealous

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Might Be Jealous - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work, #wife, #wives, #Women, #roles, #nagging, #demands, #cheating, #adultery, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I hear you have two work wives. Dilbert: You sound jealous. Wally: Do I? Tina: Stop what you're doing and drive me to my car. Wally: Hee-hee! Snork.