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Boss Hits Jackpot

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 Boss Hits Jackpot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #gambling, #Win, #loss, #money, #obliviousness, #jackpot

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Boss: My side job as a professional gambler is going great. I won a $5,000 jackpot this weekend. Dilbert: How much did you lose? Boss: About $700,000 and my wife. Wally: Didn't you tell her about the $5,000?

Offensive Tweet From Long Ago

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 Offensive Tweet From Long Ago - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #comprehensive, #offensive, #poor reading, #sense of humor, #seven years, #offensive tweet, #twitter

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The Boss: we found awn offensive tweet you sent seven years ago. Dilbert: Its only offensive if you have poor reading comprehension and no sense of humor. The boss: I find it offensive. Dilbert: I think we're on the same page here/

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #deadline, #free time, #death march, #payment, #salary, #pay check, #bonus, #non caring, #cold, #heartless monster, #no sense shame, #money

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The boss: I need this finished by Friday. Dilbert: This assignment will suck up 100% of my free time and turn my happy life into a f=death march. The boss: Thats why we pay you. You pay me so you can ruin my life? The boos: perhaps i said that wrong. The Boss: what I meant is that I don't care how you fell as long as I get my bonus. Dilbert: You're a cold, heartless monster with no sense of shame!!!! The Boss: That why they pay me.

Sunk Costs

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Sunk Costs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #money, #big business, #logic, #loss, #deception

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Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down. Boss: If we stop now, the $10 million we already spent will be wasted. Dilbert: And if we stop later? Boss: The trick is to never finish the project.

Directionally Accurate

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Directionally Accurate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2018's comic on:


Tags #projections, #budget, #finance, #math, #excuse, #compliment, #accuracy, #education, #money

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Boss: Are you confident in your financial projections? Wally: They're directionally accurate. Boss: Your columns don't even add up. Wally: Why is it so hard for you to give a compliment?

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #suggestion, #invention, #budget, #money

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Dilbert: The electronic suggestion box project is halfway done. The original design called for a bos that scans and digitizes suggestions written on paper and emails them to the appropriate manager. Then the device shreds the original paper suggestion to make room for more. I already built the box and the shredder. I'll need additional funding to finish the scanning part. Boss: We don't have any flexibility in our budget. Let's just deploy what you have. Dilbert: All I have is a box that shreds suggestions before anyone reads them. Boss: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

Elbonian Slave Labor

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Elbonian Slave Labor  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #employees, #slave, #wages, #compensation, #minimum wage, #morality, #business, #money

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Boss: Management was shocked to learn that the company we acquired had been using Elbonian slave labor. We immediately replaced them with minimum wage employees who have no hope of career advancement. Wally: You did the right thing. Boss: That's how it felt.

Unplugged Server

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Unplugged Server - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #server, #obliviousness, #cell phone, #phone, #charging, #technology

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Dilbert: The network has been down all morning, but we found the problem. Some idiot unplugged the server so he could charge his phone. So, that problem has been solved. Boss: Great. Now can you help me find my lost phone?

Arresting The Rich

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Arresting The Rich - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #money, #rich people, #arrest, #discrimination, #equality

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Police Officer: Before I arrest you, I'll need to know your net worth. We have a slightly different process for arresting rich folks. Dogbert: I'm very rich. Police Officer: In that case, I'll wear the handcuffs.