Elbonian Ceo Comic Strips - Page 78

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

790 Results for Elbonian Ceo

View 771 - 780 results for elbonian ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Elbonian Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Bad Denials

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Denials - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.

Prove A Negative

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Prove A Negative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #accusations, #negative

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo to dilbert: is this everything i need to know? dilbert: yes. ceo: how can you be sure there isn't something out there we don't know about? dlbert: are you asking me to prove a negative? ceo: it's more of an accusation than a question.

Drooling Incompetents

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Drooling Incompetents - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #competent, #incompetent

View Transcript

Transcript

wally at team meeting. wally: i've been asked to lead this project toward failure so my boss can convince our ceo to cancel it. wally: i'd like all of the competent people on the team to step aside, while the drooling incompetents who remain drive it into a ditch. office worker: how can we know who among us are the competent ones? wally: well, for starters, they don't ask that question.

Why Not A Center Of Excellence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why Not A Center Of Excellence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #excellence

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: maybe we should creat a "center of excellence." the boss: what exactly does that mean? ceo: i think it means whatever we want it to mean. the boss: then what good is it? ceo: let's not get lost in the weeds.

Consultant Gets No Help

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Consultant Gets No Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #lazy, #managers & supervisors, #selfish, #stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

the new consultant: none of your department heads are cooperating with me. several are selfish, lazy and stupid, while others are actively working against me. maybe you could talk to them. ceo: i hired you so i wouldn't need to talk to losers.

Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Adopts An Elbonian Baby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #office workers, #trick, #work, #adoption, #morality

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I've decided to adopt a kid from Elbonia so I'll have better excuses for missing work. Dilbert: Your plan is immoral, uncaring, and socially irresponsible. Wally: And brilliant. Dilbert: No one is saying it won't work.

Wally Gives Back The Baby

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Gives Back The Baby - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gender, #misunderstanding, #obliviousness, #Parenting, #adoption

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How's your adopted Elbonian baby doing? Wally: I had to give it back. It was a lot needier than I expected. Dilbert: Was the baby a boy or a girl? Wally: How would I know? It couldn't even speak yet.

The Bad Analogy Guy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Bad Analogy Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meetings, #office workers, #sarcasm, #war

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: This meeting reminds me of the sixth elbonian revolution. Therefore, logically, this meeting will end with bayonets. Asok: What's wrong with you? Man: Can I borrow your pen?

Test Device Analogy

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Test Device Analogy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #technology, #power drill, #test, #device, #analogy, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i designed the test device to be held like one would hold a power drill ted: that's stupid. that product can't drill a hole in anything ceo: good point dilbert: that's... not... how analogies work. ted: and what if i don't need to drill anything? ceo: yeah!