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Character
Sunday January 24,
2021
Bad Qualities Cancel Out
Tags business, business ethics, managers & supervisors, qualities, character, cancel, micro-manage, lazy, backstabbing, brave, lie, credibility, believe, employees, success, manager, random, sarcasm
Transcript
boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.
Saturday January 23,
2021
Robot Calls
Tags business, technology, robot, intelligence, human, indistinguishable, Number, recognize, rule, earth
Transcript
voice coming from phone: as soon as robot intelligence is indistinguishable from home, the robots will rule the earth! dilbert: i don't recognize this number. who are you? please don't say a robot. voice: let's just say only one of us will rot.
Friday January 22,
2021
High Morale
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, happy, embezzling, morale, employee engagement, train, mock, maockery
Transcript
dilbert singing and dancing. boss: you seem way too happy about your job. are you embezzling? dilbert: no, i'm experiencing great morale and high employee engagement, just the way you trained me. boss: that actually works? dilbert: it did until you made a mockery of it just now.
Thursday January 21,
2021
Everyone Is An Idiot
Wednesday January 20,
2021
Still Get Paid
Tags office workers, colleagues, unreliable, false, true, paid, process, believe, sarcasm
Transcript
tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.
Tuesday January 19,
2021
Boss Traveling Through Hot Spots
Tags airlines, business, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, booking, flight, airline, coronavirus, die, Promotion, greedy, demise, reward
Transcript
boss: it seems you are booking all of my connecting flights in coronavirus hot spots. you do realize that if i die, you don't get promoted to my job, right? carol: i'm not greedy. your demise would be reward enough.
Monday January 18,
2021
Captcha
Tags business, sarcasm, technology, application, app, robot, ability, evidence, explaination, moron, sense
Transcript
boss: gaaa! why can't i ever type the captcha letters correctly to get into this app? dilbert: your inability to prove you are not a robot is strong evidence that you are, in fact, a robot. boss: yes, that makes sense. dilbert: the other explanation is that you are a moron, and you know that isn't true, so...
Sunday January 17,
2021
Vaccine
Tags business, business ethics, covid-19, sarcasm, vaccine, pharma, company, target, safety, efficacy
Transcript
boss: i'm happy to announce that our company has produced a vaccine for covid-19. dilbert: how did we do that? we're not even a pharma company. boss: i'm not going to lie. we had to cut some corners to get it done. dilbert: such as... boss: well, for example... we couldn't meet every single target we hoped to achieve. dilbert: how many targets did we miss? boss: only two things. dilbert: safety and efficacy? boss: okay, four things.
Saturday January 16,
2021
I'm A Loseer
Tags business, idea, office workers, ridiculous, problem, loser, Win, Lose, feeling
Transcript
colleague: your idea is ridiculous and it will never work! oh, wait... i just realized the real problem here is that i'm a loser who doesn't want anyone else to win. dilbert: that's something you don't see often. colleague: okay, the feeling passed.
Friday January 15,
2021
Every Expert Says
Tags business, idea, technology, work, old, new, future, expert, entrepreneurs, worldview
Transcript
boss: every expert in the world says your idea can't work. dilbert: experts only know about old ideas. if they knew about future ones, they would be entrepreneurs, not experts. boss: well, my entire worldview just collapsed. dilbert: sorry


