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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I stepped down as CEO and took my old job back - it's less stressful." Dogbert replies, "Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses." Dilbert says, "Exactly." Dogbert says, "Too bad we can't afford any roses now."
Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Would the world be any worse off if I'd never been born?" Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . If not for me, who would turn off this computer every night. I'm saving electricity!" Dilbert arrives at home carrying his briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I found meaning in my life today." Dogbert says, "You left your bedroom light on all day."
Dogbert sits on his pillow. There is a knock at the door. Dogbert opens the door and an old man with a staff and a hat with an "F" on it stands on the doorstep. The man says, "Dogbert, I am 'Fate.' You must steal Dilbert's hover-saucer and conquer the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dogbert asks, "Since when does Fate knock?" The man replies, "I was bought out in an unfriendly merger by 'Opportunity.' I should have seen it coming."
Dilbert sits at his desk looking at his computer. Dilbert says, "I have become one with my computer." Dilbert continues, "It is a feeling of ecstasy . . . The perfect blend of logic and emotion." Dilbert says, "I have reached . . ." Dogbert says, "Nerdvana."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We've addressed your concern about the potential safety hazard of computer terminal radiation." An air bag explodes out of a computer monitor and knocks Dilbert off his feet. Dilbert lies in a hole in the wall. A scientist with a clipboard says, "Air bags -- their time has come."
Dogbert says to a customer, "I asked the boss to sell it at your price." Dogbert continues, "He told me to drive over your foot and steal your purse." Dogbert continues, "Buy maybe I can convince him to take your first-born son instead." The woman says, "He IS my first-born son!!"
Dogbert asks Dilbert, "How did you do in the stand-up comedy competition?" Dilbert's clothes are tattered and he has bruises on his face. Dilbert replies, "I was halfway through my first joke -- about old people, when an elderly woman dragged me off stage and slapped the bejeezus out of me." Dilbert holds up a trophy and says, ". . . It was good enough for third place."
Dilbert says to Wally, "I just read that in a few years you will be able to access all of the news and information of the world from your personal computer." Dilbert continues, "You probably saw the same article in today's paper." Wally replies, "I don't read a paper." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "What's wrong with this picture?"
Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing while Dilbert looks over his shoulder. Dogbert says, "I'm starting my own tabloid newspaper, the 'Dogbert Star.'" Dogbert explains, "All of the stories will be sensational lies about me . . . That way I'll save money on lawsuits." Dogbert types, "An angry Dogbert denied that his ego was so big he started a tabloid devoted entirely to himself."
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and a woman, "I'm discontinuing the employee drug testing program . . ." The Boss shows Dilbert a document and says, "Because my own tests keep turning out positive . . . Which makes me suspect that some wise guy has tampered with the medical computer." Dilbert says, "Denial and paranoia . . . Classic symptoms." Wally asks, "Is he 'high' right now?"