Any Issues Comic Strips - Page 78

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

876 Results for Any Issues

View 771 - 780 results for any issues comic strips. Discover the best "Any Issues" comics from Dilbert.com.

Recommening A Friend

Thank you for voting.
Recommening A Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #bribe, #employee, #hiring, #money, #referral, #guest artist, #jake tapper

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?

Political Opinions Only Make It Worse

Thank you for voting.
Political Opinions Only Make It Worse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #speaking, #conversation, #Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Did you watch any of the debates? Dilbert: Stop right there. I'm barely clinging to the illusion that you're competent at your job. Don't talk about politics or it will only get worse. Man: Did you know China caused climate change by hogging the sun? Dilbert: And there it is.

Needing Vacations

Thank you for voting.
Needing Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #necessity, #career, #insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you have any vacations planned? Dilbert: No. I haven't bungled my career so badly that I need to escape from it. Man: I take vacations. Dilbert: I hear you need a lot of them.

Wally Builds An Mvp Version

Thank you for voting.
Wally Builds An Mvp Version - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #ai, #technology, #fake, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I built a minimum viable product, or MVP, as I like to call it. Boss: That's a block of wood. Wally: I call it "Artificial Intelligence." Ask it any question. Boss: What is my middle name? Wally: It's being shy, just like people. Boss: It has emotions,too?

I Own You

Thank you for voting.
I Own You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #work ethic, #communication, #text, #control

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Why didn't you answer my text last night? Dilbert: Um... Boss: You have no social life, and you aren't dead, so there's no excuse. I own you! Dilbert: Whoever said honest is refreshing never heard any.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #goals, #accomplishment, #consciousness, #death, #achievement, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #punctuality, #late, #excuses, #traffic, #sleep, #time management, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible. Dilbert: Isn't the traffic from your house always terrible at this time of day? Tina: Exactly! That's why I'm late every day. Dilbert: Do you see any way you could fix that? Tina: I can't control the traffic. Dilbert: You could leave earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't get enough sleep. Dilbert; You could go to bed earlier. Tina: Then I wouldn't have time to watch Netflix until two in the morning. Do you want me to hate my life? Dilbert: I didn't until now.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #workload, #stress, #counseling

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have too much work, and it's stressing me out. Boss: I've been reading about this sort of situation. Try writing don all the things that make you feel grateful. Dilbert: That would be more work! Boss: For your anger issues, try keeping a journal of all the times you lose your temper. Dilbert: That would be more work! Has anyone ever taken your advice? Boss: Do you know the guy in Marketing with the eye patch? Dilbert: He followed your advice? Boss: Half of it.

Wally's Awesome Emails

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Awesome Emails - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #excuse, #competition, #accomplishment

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: This week I designed and built a prototype that can turn any kind of garbage into fuel. Boss: And Wally? Wally: I sent out some emails, but no one answered. Before you judge me, keep in mind that you don't know how awesome those emails were.

Drone Defense Has One Problem

Thank you for voting.
Drone Defense Has One Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #drones, #national security, #invention, #technology, #birds, #death, #environmental issues, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We are testing the drone defense shield as I speak. Boss: Is it working so far? Dilbert: Not according to the Audubon Society.