Asked For Money Comic Strips - Page 78

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View 771 - 780 results for asked for money comic strips. Discover the best "Asked For Money" comics from Dilbert.com.

Unethical Assumptions

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Unethical Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, ethics, misleading, finances, budget

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Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.

Getting The Wrong Answer

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Getting The Wrong Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budget, spending, Advice, money

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Dilbert: As you can see from my financial projections, doing a major upgrade now would be unwise. Boss: I need to spend my entire budget this year so they won't give me a smaller budget next year. Dilbert: It seems you have wasted my time. Boss: It's not my fault you got the wrong answer.

Boss Cancels Food Service

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Boss Cancels Food Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lunch, Food, stealing, refrigerator, property, misunderstanding

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Boss: I've decided to cancel our food service to save money. Dilbert: We don't have a food service. We all bring our own food and keep in the break room refrigerator. Boss: I've been eating the food in there for seven years. Dilbert: I'd keep that to myself if I were you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, anger, frustration, trolling, needling

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Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Being Ineffective

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Being Ineffective  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, haggle, training, conference, skills

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Boss: Why are we paying so much for this software? Dilbert: Because you didn't let me take a class on negotiating like I asked. Boss: Are you using this as leverage to get approval for the class? Dilbert: No, I'm just being ineffective. Does it look the same?

Dogbert's Negotiating Class

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Dogbert's Negotiating Class - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiating, deception, sales, manipulation, deal, business

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Boss: I approved your request to take a negotiating class. Dilbert: Why did you change your mind? Boss: The instructor offered a great deal. Narrator: Earlier that day. Dogbert: Would you like to spend other people's money to get rid of Dilbert for a few days? Boss: Sold!

Financial Forecaster Quit

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Financial Forecaster Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags big business, money, projection, prediction, Advice

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Boss: Our financial forecaster quit. I need you to fill in for him. Dilbert: I don't know how to do financial forecasts. Boss: Neither did he. Dilbert: How were you making decisions? Boss: It's better if we don't excavate that septic tank.

Boss Finds A Thumb Drive

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Boss Finds A Thumb Drive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, infection, malware, obliviousness, virus, hacker, hacking

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Boss: I found a thumb drive on the sidewalk. It must be my lucky day. It's like free money! Dilbert: Can free money infect our network, too? Boss: You worry too much. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be selling all of my company stock.

Virus Gives Everyone A Raise

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Virus Gives Everyone A Raise  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virus, infection, computer, malware, morals, salary, technology, money

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Boss: The Elbonian virus in our network just gave ever employee an ten percent raise. You have to get rid of the virus! Dilbert: If the Elbonian software is giving me a raise, and you're trying to sop it, wouldn't that make you the virus?

Dogbert The Loan Shark

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Dogbert The Loan Shark   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags loan, loan shark, money, racket, interest

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Boss: I need a loan to finance my professional gambling. Dogbert: That sounds like an excellent idea. I charge 40 percent interest per day, and I'll kill you for missing a payment. Boss: What's the catch? Dogbert: I'm also an identity thief.