Good Bye Lunch Comic Strips - Page 78

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #backs up, #fake news, #lake view, #potential fire place, #rains, #real estate charlatan, #seasonal skylight, #sweras, #turning bad into good, #well written

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Dogbert the real estate agent "When it rains the sewer backs up and covers the driveway." "Lake view." "Every spring rabid squirrels rip off huge chunks of the roof to look for food." "Seasonal skylight." "The dry brush behind the house is a fire hazard." "Potential, fireplace."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad attitude, #new engineer, #paid more, #justify, #smile

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"Why does the new engineer get paid more than I do? How do you justify that?" "Unlike you, he doesn't have a bad attitude." "I have a good attitude. Look at this smile. Look!" "My eyes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vogue, #madonna, #hug liar, #gandhi, #dancing, #lunch table

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"So I was dancing with Madonna and went "Vogue" like this. She liked the idea and made a video." "You've either had a fascinating life or you're a huge liar. I'm still undecided." "Ghandi said the same thing. SO I said, 'I'm not eating until you take it back.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #non credible guy, #invented reality tv, #preposterous stories, #picture hostility & curiosity, #einstein, #entertain realtives, #new theory, #liar, #pathological liar, #lies

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The non-credible guy "And that's how I invented 'reality tv.'" "Why don't you keep telling me preposterous stories while I stare at you with a mixture of hostility and curiosity?" "And then Einstein asked me to entertain his relatives while he thought of a name for his new theory." "Good, good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #kodos, #morale, #mascot, #meetings, #moral improves, #bear suit, #meeting, #low morale, #idea for imprvement, #business

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The Boss: "His name is Kudos, the bear-er of good morale!" "Kudos" "He's our new mascot. He'll attend all of our meetings until morale improves." "Today is Asok's turn in the suit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stalk, #new hire, #romance, #plan b, #demented, #Men

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wally: "I'm bored. It's time to stalk the new hire." "How long is the wait?" "About forty-five minutes." "When romance is involved, it's good to have a plan 'B.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #negotaiating, #have other offers, #phraseology, #ordered to lie

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Negotiating Dilbert: Ive been authorized to tell you that we have other offers. I can tell from your phraseology that you've been ordered to lie and your not good at it. Dilbert: what makes you think something like that? There it is again!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #viosnary executives, #block of wood, #foresee good numbers, #new glasses

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"Optometrist for Visionary Executives" "Look through this block of wood." "Is this better or worse?" "Better." "I forsee forty quarters of growth." "Hey, new glasses?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #voice mailbox, #spam filter, #rejects email, #ear wax, #grid

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Wally: "My voice mailbox is full, and my spam filter rejects all incoming e-mail." "As soon as I build up a good load of ear wax, I'll be off the grid." The Boss: "Wally, we need to talk." "EH?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #improve communication, #imitates boss, #business

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Man: I called this meeting so I could tell you the division's goals for next year. Alice: Thats a good idea because we're all so dumb that we coldly possibly read this in email. Goal one: Improve communication. ALiceL I can't. Im too dumb.