Work Related Converstaion Comic Strips - Page 79

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager

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The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corporate politics, #waste basket, #teach everything, #promoted level

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Dilbert: I want you to teach me everything you know about corporate politics so I can get promoted to your level. The Boss: To truly understand office politics you must wear a waste basket on your head for one full day. LATER Dilbert: Does this really work? The Boss: It works for me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #committed to buy, #cost justify, #ethical, #execuitve, #translate, #vendor, #weasel, #words

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Weasel: tell me about your project and I'll translate it into weasel words for the business case. Dilbert: well, and executive had lunch with a vendor and committed to buy some stuff that doesn't work. Our job is to cost - justify the decision. Wesel: I quit Dilbert: Don't get all ethical on us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #difficult, #cooperate, #project success, #head is full, #birdseed, #pants glued, #soap carving

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Dilbert: Your department has a reputation for being difficult to work with. But I know we can cooperate to make my project a success. Man: Id love yo help but my head is full of birdseed and my pants are glued to this chair. Dilbert: I'll talk to your boss. Man: Good Luck. He's a soap carving.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six months, #project six months, #one month, #annual visit, #doesn't understand, #selfish boss, #impossible tasks, #time frames etc

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"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great solutions, #bicycle seats, #dorky pants, #bicycle pants

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GREAT SOLUTIONS IN ENGINEERING Problem: Bicycle seats are hard. They Hurt. Analysis: there must be something work with your pants, Dogbert: Solution: dorky pants.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boos, #delegate work, #mark compalins, #throws a fit, #complain, #behind back, #boss retreats

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The Boss: We've hired the Dogbert Ad Agency to give our company a new image. Mark: AAAGH! MARK: Sure, Sure...I"ll do it, but I'll have this expression the whole time. and just maybe I"ll complain behind your back!! The Boss: Never mind, I'll do it myself. Oh, right, keep the good assignment,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #goldfish, #hair on cat, #hairless cat, #dilbert spray

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"Thanks for inviting me over, Dogbert. We little hairless cats are usually shunned." "FSSSS" "I would have bet anything that that wouldn't work." "Hair!!" "Now the goldfish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert outplacement agebcy, #doa, #freelance consulatants, #cubicles, #earn no money, #equipped, #phone, #refurbished ego

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Dogbert: welcome to the dogcart outplacement agency, or "DOA" as I call it. Dogbert: Here, Nobody "unemployed" You're freelance consultants who sit in cubicles and earn no money! Every cubicle is equipped with a phone and a refurbished ego. ego: I will not work with that thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert, #filberts cubcile, #big eyes, #interested

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Ratbert: "I discovered I can look interested in what people say by making my eyes big." "Go ahead - say something. I'm ready." Dilbert: "I'm trying to get some work done here." Ratbert: "Work, you say? Very interesting."