Control Over Profits Comic Strips - Page 79

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

858 Results for Control Over Profits

View 781 - 790 results for control over profits comic strips. Discover the best "Control Over Profits" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #zombie

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks to my new neural interface, I can control our boss using an app. I haven't written the app yet, so all he does is sit there like a zombie. Wally: Maybe we can skip the app. Alice: There's no reason to over-engineer it.

App For Jumping Off The Roof

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
App For Jumping Off The Roof  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #suicide, #murder, #legal issues, #reasonable doubt

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Maybe we should remove the neural interface so his natural brain works again. Alice: Or... and this is just a thought-- we could create an app that makes him jump off the roof. Dilbert: Would that be murder or suicide? Alice: All we need is reasonable doubt.

Boss Ends Neural Interface

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Ends Neural Interface  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #amnesia, #forgetting, #memory loss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #prognosticate, #prediction, #projection, #budget, #blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Doctor And Dopamine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Doctor And Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #impulse control, #social media, #twitter, #facebook, #pharmaceuticals, #drugs, #gambling, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.

Product Is Too Addictive

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Product Is Too Addictive  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #social media, #technology, #facebook, #twitter, #addiction, #big business, #impulse control

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm worried that we designed our product to be too addictive. Now we're more like a disease than a consumer product. Boss: Will you stop talking like that if I give you a raise? Dilbert: It's worth a try.

Human Sensation Slipping Away

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Human Sensation Slipping Away - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addiction, #humanity, #technology, #existentialism, #existential crisis, #awareness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My sensation of being human is slipping away. My car practically drives itself, and the apps on my phone control my brain. I feel as if I need to do something stupid just to feel alive. Carol: Homeland security?

Humans Have A Slight Advantage

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Humans Have A Slight Advantage  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #artificial intelligence, #ai, #thinking, #cognition, #threat, #extinction

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: At the moment, humans have a slight advantage over computers in intelligence. But as soon as computers can learn on their own, they will become a mortal threat to humankind. Asok: Who told you that? Robot: I figured it out on my own.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teach, #insult, #compliment, #function, #guidelines, #co workers, #insult co workers

View Transcript

Transcript

DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Asok Upgrades His Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Upgrades His Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #actions, #beliefs, #empty life, #hilarious, #legacy souls, #social media, #dopamine, #delivery systems, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I used to have a traditional soul, but I upgraded it. Now I let the major social media companies control my beliefs and actions through their dopamine delivery systems., Dilbert: That sounds like and empty life. Asok: you old- timers with your legacy souls are hilarious.