Control Over Profits Comic Strips - Page 79

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

860 Results for Control Over Profits

View 781 - 790 results for control over profits comic strips. Discover the best "Control Over Profits" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Is Like A Zombie With No App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mind control, technology, invention, zombie

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks to my new neural interface, I can control our boss using an app. I haven't written the app yet, so all he does is sit there like a zombie. Wally: Maybe we can skip the app. Alice: There's no reason to over-engineer it.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

App For Jumping Off The Roof

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
App For Jumping Off The Roof - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mind control, technology, invention, suicide, murder, legal issues, reasonable doubt

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Maybe we should remove the neural interface so his natural brain works again. Alice: Or... and this is just a thought-- we could create an app that makes him jump off the roof. Dilbert: Would that be murder or suicide? Alice: All we need is reasonable doubt.

Boss Ends Neural Interface

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Ends Neural Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mind control, technology, invention, amnesia, forgetting, memory loss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prognosticate, prediction, projection, budget, blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Doctor And Dopamine

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Doctor And Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags addiction, impulse control, social media, twitter, facebook, pharmaceuticals, drugs, gambling, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: The MRI shows that your brain has been hijacked by dopamine pirates. You are now under the full control of social media corporations, gambling casinos, and big pharma. Boss: Are you writing me a prescription? Doctor: No, I'm buying stock in those companies.

Product Is Too Addictive

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Product Is Too Addictive - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social media, technology, facebook, twitter, addiction, big business, impulse control

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm worried that we designed our product to be too addictive. Now we're more like a disease than a consumer product. Boss: Will you stop talking like that if I give you a raise? Dilbert: It's worth a try.

Human Sensation Slipping Away

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Human Sensation Slipping Away - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags addiction, humanity, technology, existentialism, existential crisis, awareness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My sensation of being human is slipping away. My car practically drives itself, and the apps on my phone control my brain. I feel as if I need to do something stupid just to feel alive. Carol: Homeland security?

Humans Have A Slight Advantage

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Humans Have A Slight Advantage - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags artificial intelligence, ai, thinking, cognition, threat, extinction

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: At the moment, humans have a slight advantage over computers in intelligence. But as soon as computers can learn on their own, they will become a mortal threat to humankind. Asok: Who told you that? Robot: I figured it out on my own.

Insulting Within Company Guidelines

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Insulting Within Company Guidelines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags teach, insult, compliment, function, guidelines, co workers, insult co workers

View Transcript

Transcript

DOgbert: I will teach you how to insult your co - workers while staying within company guidelines. The trick is to disguise your insults as compliments. Alice, I admire the way you dress for function over appearance. Alice: Thanks. wait...

Asok Upgrades His Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Upgrades His Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags actions, beliefs, empty life, hilarious, legacy souls, social media, dopamine, delivery systems, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I used to have a traditional soul, but I upgraded it. Now I let the major social media companies control my beliefs and actions through their dopamine delivery systems., Dilbert: That sounds like and empty life. Asok: you old- timers with your legacy souls are hilarious.