Big Business Comic Strips - Page 79

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Company Policy About Dating

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Company Policy About Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, relationships, office romance, policy, legal issues, human resources, business

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Catbert: Rumor has it that you are dating a co-worker named Loud Howard. Company policy requires you to register your lustful feelings with our legal department. Lawyer: Okay, I think we have you covered, but the stapling phase will sting a little.

Government Wants Access To Data

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Government Wants Access To Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags national security, privacy, technology, big business, terrorism

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CEO: The government wants us to make software that can unlock the encrypted data of our users. Either we choose privacy or national security. Should we betray our customers or should we enable terrorists? Figure out which one is more profitable and get back to me. Boss: On it.

Being More Honest

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Being More Honest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags marketing, advertising, honesty, cover-up, performance, shortcoming, business

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Dilbert: My tests show we underperform our competition on nine out of eleven dimensions. Boss: Give the two good ones to Marketing. We can't be more honest than that. Dilbert: I'm almost certain we can. Boss: No, we really can't.

New Ted

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New Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hiring, generic, job, placeholder, disposable, guest artist, brenna thummler, business

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Ted: My name is Ted. I'm applying for this job of generic white guy. Boss: We just lost our Ted. You look perfect for the job. Ted: Is there anything I should know about the job? Boss: It doesn't end well.

Ted Has A Ravine Option

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Ted Has A Ravine Option - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, empathy, hr, human resources, mean, guest artist, brenna thummler, business

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Catbert: Evil Director Of Human Resources. Ted: Dilbert said he wants me to drive into a ravine. Catbert: I want that too. I didn't realize it was an option. Ted: Perhaps I have come tot he wrong place. Catbert: I hear good things about the ravine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, coding, code, control, efficiency, purpose, job, red tape, business

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Mordac: Step away from that open source code! Dilbert: Why? Mordac: Because I am Mordac, The Preventer of All Efficient Solutions in the Information Technology Realm. Dilbert: That isn't an actual job. Mordac: I was hoping it was. I lost the file with my job description. That was five years ago. I've been winging it since then. My parents taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be. And I wanted to be this. So don't use that code! Dilbert: Not even when you turn around?

Try Not Being Boring

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Try Not Being Boring - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, inspiration, frustration, bored, boring, powerpoint, meeting, obliviousness, eric scott, business

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CEO: I don't think my motivational messages are getting through to the employees. I can't make them pay attention to anything. Catbert: Have you tried not being boring? CEO: Good idea. I'll make fifty slides of pure excitement.

Business Plan History

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Business Plan History - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business plan, futile, futility, goal, guest artist, logic, plan, john glynn

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Boss: Before we make our business plan for the coming year, let's see how well we stayed on plan last year. We ended up doing nothing that was in our plan, just like every year. Dilbert: Why do't' we skip it this year? Boss: It would be irrational to have no plan.

Trapped Under Rubble

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Trapped Under Rubble - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags freedom, guest artist, happiness, job, misery, satisfaction, john glynn, business, psychology

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Asok: I miss the freedom I had as an Uber driver. This job feels like being trapped under rubble. Wally: We old-timers have a name for that feeling. Asok: What is it? Wally: "Better than average."

Asok Needs Money And Social Life

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Asok Needs Money And Social Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ride share, rideshare, uber, driver, taxi, job, business

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Asok: I have no social life and I need extra money. What should I do? Wally: You're one Prius away from being an Uber driver. Narrator: Continued.