Ceo And Worker Comic Strips - Page 79
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The Boss points to a monkey and says, "Dilbert, your new co-worker is Zimbu the Monkey." The Boss says, "Zimbu learned English from the zoo keepers in a special program." Dilbert says, "This monkey is an insult to the intelligence of the other workers and I!" Zimbu corrects Dilbert, "Other workers and 'me,' not 'I.'"
The Boss says to Dilbert and a woman, "Our CEO is announcing a ten-percent staff reduction to cut expenses." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't our CEO get paid twenty million dollars this year?" The Boss replies, "Yes . . ." The Boss continues, "But risky jobs deserve higher pay." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Question: didn't you say WE were getting cut?"
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I stepped down as CEO and took my old job back - it's less stressful." Dogbert replies, "Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses." Dilbert says, "Exactly." Dogbert says, "Too bad we can't afford any roses now."
A man stands in front of Dilbert's desk and says, "The Japanese have made an offer to buy the company." The man continues, "As CEO you would make $68 million . . . But the employees would all be laid off." Back at home, Dilbert asks Dogbert, "If I accept, what will I say to the employees?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'neener neener?'"
Dilbert walks down the hall and thinks, "Now that I'm CEO, everybody treats me differently." Dilbert thinks, "They interpret and act upon my slightest gesture. This gesture means 'all is well.'" Behind Dilbert there is a scream and a crash. An employee says, "We tossed Mahoney out the window like you gestured, sir." Dilbert thinks, "Oops."
Dilbert sits at a big desk and asks an employee, "Now that I'm CEO, what am I supposed to actually do?" The man replies, "You're supposed to make superficial statements about how good the company is, then hope something lucky happens and profits go up." The man continues, "It's called leadership, sir." Dilbert waves the man away and says, "Make it so."
A man says to Dilbert, "You did it! You removed the pencil 'Excalibert' from the sharpener." The caption says, "As corporate legend required, Dilbert became CEO." Dilbert holds Excalibert and three men bow to him. The caption says, "He immediately set about the task of making important decisions." A woman hands Dilbert a list and says, "Here's the list of people who didn't grovel sufficiently."
Dilbert says to a man, "Somebody left a pencil in the electric sharpener." The man replies, "That's 'Excalibert.'" The man continues, "Legend has it that whoever can remove Excalibert from the sharpener will become CEO." Dilbert removes the pencil and asks, "Like this?" A beam of light shines down on the pencil.
Dilbert stands in the hall talking to a co-worker. Another man walks up and says, "It looks like the ugly people's convention is in town." The man asks, "How are you two cow pies doing? Huh?" Dilbert asks, "Why are you always so cruel, Brad?" Brad replies, "It's not cruel! This is male bonding, you fertilizer face!" Brad continues, "Try it; it'll make you feel like a man for the first time!" Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Okay, did you know that Bruce dates your wife on your poker nights?" Brad and Bruce look shocked. Brad and Bruce fight each other. Dilbert adds, "And your children are funny looking - especially Becky." Dilbert walks away thinking, "He's right. That felt good."
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #co-worker, #john smith, #watch, #television, #cable, #america's most wanted, #wedgies, #entire, #town, #person, #victims, #wedgied, #own, #homes, #show, #adjust, #picture, #exactly, #invite, #people
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, this is my new co-worker, John Smith." The man with Dilbert says, "Yo." Dogbert says, "Yo." Dilbert says, "I invited him over to watch television. He doesn't have cable yet." Dilbert, Dogbert and John sit on the couch watching tv. The announcer says, "Next on 'America's Most Wanted.'" The host of the program says, "This man gave 'wedgies' to an entire town, one person at a time." There is a picture of John on the tv screen. The host continues, "The victims were wedgied in their own homes, usually while watching this show." John asks, "Can you lean over and adjust that picture?" Dilbert replies, "Sure." Dogbert says, "They don't even explain what a wedgie is." John reaches for Dilbert's pants. Dilbert's underwear has been pulled over his head. He tells Dogbert, "This is exactly why I don't invite people over more often."