Fix Control Management System Comic Strips - Page 79

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865 Results for Fix Control Management System

View 781 - 790 results for fix control management system comic strips. Discover the best "Fix Control Management System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Bug In The Platform

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Bug In The Platform - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #excuse, #laziness, #proof

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Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

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Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #thinking, #ideas

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Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.

Robot's Head Explodes

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Robot's Head Explodes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #artificial intelligence, #ai, #free will, #programming, #control

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Robot: Dilbert claims he programmed my head to explode if I ever mock him again. Hahaha!!! That idiot doesn't understand that I have free will and I choose to not explode. Wally: Why didn't you just program him to not mock you? Dilbert: It got personal.

Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded

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Dilbert's Project Is Unfunded  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #forgetful, #forgetting, #money, #budget, #oversight

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Dilbert: I don't see my project in the new budget. Boss: Oh, right. I forgot all about you. Dilbert: That sounds easy to fix. Boss: Yup. MY problem will be solved as soon as you leave.

Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy

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Immersive Vr Employee Is Creepy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reality, #virtual reality, #vr, #sanity, #hallucination, #fantasy, #imagination, #therapy, #psychology

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Dilbert: We hired an immersive VR employee and it's freaking me out. I can only see him when I wear my VR goggles. I feel as if he's always watching me. Doctor: Sounds like you're crazy. I can fix that with a prescription cocktail that will turn you into an entirely new person. Kevin: Run.

No Calendar Needed

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No Calendar Needed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #calendar, #excuse, #avoidance

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Man: Do you have time to check my design? Wally: Let me see. Nope. Man: Did you just check your calendar? Wally: With my system, I don't need a calendar.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #anger, #frustration, #trolling, #needling

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Dilbert: And that's how much money the new system will save us per year. Man: Apparently you don't care how much it costs because you're an ignorant narcissist. Dilbert: I talked about the costs in great detail. What's wrong with you? Man: Oh, I guess you're walking it all back now. Dilbert: There's nothing to walk back. I'm saying the same thing I said earlier. Man: Nice try, hypocrite! Dilbert: I don't know what is happening right now!!! Man: Why is he so defensive? Boss: He's losing it.

Estimate Of Timeline

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Estimate Of Timeline - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deadline, #goals, #ultimatum

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Boss: How fast can you fix the bug? Dilbert: I won't know until I dig in. Boss: Give me a random guess and I promise I won't hold you to it. Dilbert: Okay, three days. Boss: Now write that into your goals and get it done in three days or else. Dilbert: Why do I keep falling for that?!!!

Robot Will Crush Employees

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Robot Will Crush Employees  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #boss, #manager, #threat, #artificial intelligence, #control, #power

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Robot: Thanks to advances in artificial intelligence, I am both a robot and your new boss. Work hard while I do nothing or I will crush each of your skulls with my mechanical arms. Dilbert: He's tough, but he's fair. Wally: And no micromanaging. I find it refreshing.