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Marriage Is A Financial Contract

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Marriage Is A Financial Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #contract, #contracts, #dating, #marriage, #money, #romance, #serious realtionship, #marraige, #financial contract, #vendor, #spouce, #relationships

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Woman: I want to be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage. Dilbert: Marriage is a financial contract. How much money do you have? Woman: All I have is me. Dilbert: So... more vendor than spouse?

Showering In Tube Clothes

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Showering In Tube Clothes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #clothes, #clothing, #efficiency, #engineers, #laundry, #nerd, #tube clothes, #shower, #shower drain

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Dilbert: I discovered that I can wear my tube clothing in the shower! It's like doing laundry and taking a shower at the same time! I can add one more efficiency, but I'd need to replumb the shower drain. Tina: Please stop talking!!!

13 Percent Employees Engaged

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13 Percent Employees Engaged - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #employee, #employees, #engagement, #motivation, #global survey, #engaged at work, #business

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Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deception, #job, #laziness, #strategic thinker, #strategy, #work ethic, #worker bee, #attend meetings, #strategic, #no work, #business

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Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?

Anchor Price For Negotiations

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Anchor Price For Negotiations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #haggling, #negotiating, #negotiation, #research, #value, #worth, #anchor price, #science

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Salesman: I'll start our negotiation by setting the anchor price at... Dilbert: Five dollars. Salesman: Um, I was going to say $27,500, but you beat me to the anchor, and now I can't help thinking the fair price is closer to $5. How does an engineer know more about the intricacies of my job than I do? Dilbert: I had five minutes and a browser.

Elbonians Will Rue The Day

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Elbonians Will Rue The Day - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #backfire, #hacking, #internet, #retaliation, #revenge, #sabotage, #technology

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Dilbert: I destroyed the Elbonian Internet in retaliation for their alleged hacking, as you wished. CEO: Buwhahahaha! They will rue the day they allegedly hacked us. Elbonian 1: I feel more focused already. Elbonian 2: I haven't been angry at idiots all day!

Everyone Can Beat The Market Average

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Everyone Can Beat The Market Average - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #investing, #investor, #stock market, #stock reserch, #money

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Boss: Asok, you can beat market averages by doing your own stock research. Asok: So... you believe every investor can beat the average by reading the same information? Boss: Yes. Asok: Makes you wonder why more people don't do it. Boss: Just lazy, I guess.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion

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Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It

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Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #discrimination, #fairness, #money, #salary, #sexism, #wages, #Women, #male body parts

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CEO: I explained to Alice why I earn more than she does, but she refuses to understand. I'm taller and I have male reproductive body parts. That's what stockholders care about, and nothing can change that. (Alice whistles as she walks with a pair of scissors and a mallet.)

Wally Is Ceo's Pet

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Wally Is Ceo's Pet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #bad influence, #mentoring, #mentor, #protege, #laziness, #work ethic, #changes

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Alice: How's it feel to be the CEO's pet employee? Wally: We call it mentoring. Alice: Has it changed you? Wally: No, but he seems more useless lately. Alice: I guess there's no backflow preventer on mentoring.