Rename Company Comic Strips - Page 79
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882 Results for Rename Company
View 781 - 790 results for rename company comic strips. Discover the best "Rename Company" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday November 09,
2014
Tags capitalism, cruelty, executives, industry & manufacturing, manufacturing, meat, announcements, artificial meat prodcut, automated robots, senior management, manufacturing employees, engineering
Transcript
CEO: The company has two exciting announcements. We are launching a new artificial meat product. In unrelated news, our manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots. Wow. It got quiet in here. Dilbert: I don't want to say we have no trust in senior management, but... did you order the robots to kill all of the manufacturing employees and turn them into a meat product? CEO: Before I answer that, can we agree that capitalism has some rough edges?
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday October 13,
2014
Tags accessories, busniess casual, clothing, dorks, fashion, new dress code, powerless, boring, sexually irrelevant, badeg, asexual trespasser
Transcript
Dilbert: This is our new company dress code. We call it "Business Dorky." Dogbert: I like it because it makes you look powerless, boring, and sexually irrelevant. Dilbert: They make me wear this badge so I don't look like an asexual trespasser. Dogbert: Accessories make the outfit.
Sunday March 08,
2015
Tags catch-22, compliment, compliments, insult, insulting, work ethic, technical skills, perfect attendance, risk averse, no social life, irrational needs, code writing puppet
Transcript
Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!
Thursday February 19,
2015
Dilbert Snips Elbonian Internet
Tags communication, developing countries, hackers, hacking, internet, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: My company sent me to crash the Elbonian Internet in retaliation for hacking us. Elbonian 1: Can you hear me now? Elbonian 2: It's better without the string!
Wednesday March 11,
2015
How To Make Money While Adding No Value
Tags ceos, mentor, mentors, mentoring, protege, success, merit, qualification, luck money, wages, earning, earn, money, salary
Transcript
CEO Mentors Wally. CEO: How would you like me to mentor you, underling? Wally: Can you teach me how to make $25 million per year while adding no value to the company? CEO: I don't know how to teach you that. Wally: Was it all luck or did you have to kill people?
Wednesday March 18,
2015
Wall The Company Taint
Tags Promotion, manager, taint, success
Transcript
Wally: You're looking at the new vice president of zombie projects. The projects that will neither succeed nor be canceled are transferred to me so the other VP's avoid their taint. Alice: I guess that makes you the company's taint. Wally: I wear that label proudly.
Tuesday April 14,
2015
Wally's Many Patents
Tags accomplishments, deception, work ethic, patent, inventions
Transcript
Boss: On your list of accomplishments, you say you filed seventeen patents for the company this month. Wally: I did. Here's the documentation on each of them. Boss: Hmm... it will be three years before I know if these are accepted. Wally: Until then, let's play it safe and assume I'm awesome.
Wednesday May 27,
2015
List Of Known Problems
Tags joke, insult, misanthrope, misanthropy
Transcript
Alice: Did you get the link I sent you for our company directory? Boss: I didn't ask for that. I asked for a list of known problem... Oh. Not funny. Alice: Then how do you explain this?
Sunday July 19,
2015
Tags public speaking, presentation, question, questions, stupid, idiot, idiots, criticism, critic
Transcript
Boss: I need you to critique my presentation for the board. And don't hold back to spare my feelings. Dilbert: That probably won't be an issue. Alice: We got this. Boss: My product idea has three components. Alice: How do you know another company isn't secretly preparing to launch the same product? Boss: What kind of stupid question is that? Alice: It's the same question you asked me yesterday about my product idea. Boss: The board won't ask that. Alice: Don't be so sure. I hear they're idiots.
Sunday July 26,
2015
Tags meeting, first impression, culture, interview, job interview, deception, revenge, nice, niceness, nice people, business
Transcript
Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.