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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #layoffs, #cruel to fire friday, #employee appreciation day, #employee of the month, #evil catbert

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss asks, "When should we do the layoffs?" Catbert responds, "Experts say that Friday is the cruelest day of the week to fire people." Catbert continues, "So let's do it Friday." The Boss responds, "Friday is our Employee Appreciation Day." Catbert gasps, "Ah-Ah Ah-Wooo!!!" The Boss is alarmed. He asks, "What was that?" Catbert responds, "You don't want to know." The Boss hands an award to an employee and says, "Congratulations on being named Employee of the Month." The Boss continues, "Now.. you know how some months are shorter than others?" Catbert gasps, "Ah-ah wooo!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2001's comic on:


Tags #enjoyment, #fire you, #free country, #free speech, #outside of work, #pastry, #criticize government

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Asok, The Boss, and Wally are eating donuts and drinking coffee. Asok says, "The great thing about free speech is that I can criticize the government." The Boss replies, "I'd fire you." Asok says, "I mean outside of work." The Boss responds, "I'd fire you for that too." Asok asks, "May I express enjoyment of my pastry?" The Boss replies, "Sure. It's a free country."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2002's comic on:


Tags #paper weight, #mission statement, #sun, #fire, #cubicle fire, #mug, #water, #shards

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A disheveled coworker with smoke effusing from his head says to Dilbert and Wally, "Sorry I'm late." The coworker continues, "I left my mission statement paperweight in the sun and it set my cubicle on fire." The coworker continues, "I tried to douse it using my "We are Quality" mug but the handle broke and I got shards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #numbers down, #reorganize dept, #history for compariosn, #fire people, #save money

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A female employee asks The Boss, "Our numbers are way down. What should we do?" The Boss replies, "Reorganize the department so there's no valid history for comparison." The Boss continues, "Then we'll fire a few people and give ourselves awards for saving money." The employee scrunches up her paper and mutters, "El Diablo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #no revenue, #three months, #fire billing, #excellent performance

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The Boss says to Ted, "Ted, your performance is excellent but I have to downsize you." Ted asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "Our billing system is so defective that we haven't made any revenue in three months." Ted asks, "Why don't you fire the billing department?" The Boss responds, "I did... three months ago."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2002's comic on:


Tags #improve morale, #evil director, #disgruntled guy, #fire guy, #misunderstood, #mixed signals

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Catbert says to a meeting, "This survey will help us improve morale." Dilbert turns to Catbert and says, "I misjudged you. I thought you were an evil director of H.R., but you care about morale." Catbert and The Boss are looking reading the surveys. Catbert says, "When we fire this disgruntled guy, my morale will go way up." The Boss giggles, "Hee Hee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2002's comic on:


Tags #billion dollar idea, #sweet mother, #owns your ideas, #fire you, #then sue you, #always hardest

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Asok says to The Boss and Alice, "Sweet mother of potatoes! I just thought of a billion-dollar idea!!" The Boss responds, "The company owns all of your ideas. Cough it up or I'll fire you and then sue you." Asok and Alice are walking together. Asok cries, "Waaa!" Alice says, "Your first billion-dollar idea is always the hardest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #construction bid, #award for job, #team of skilled craftmen, #ex wife, #truck on fire

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Dilbert holds a piece of paper and says, "Your construction bid is the lowest so I have to award you the job." Dilbert asks, "When can your team of highly skilled craftsmen begin?" The beaver responds, "I'll call you." The beaver is leaning over a huge book titled, "Excuses." He says into the telephone, "Day one: My ex-wife set my truck on fire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2003's comic on:


Tags #fire toxic co worker, #lazy and ineffectual, #selfish, #toxic guy, #Wally

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Dilbert, Wally, and Alice approach The Boss. Dilbert says, "We demand that you fire our toxic co-worker." Wally turns to Dilbert and asks, "You aren't talking about me, are you?" Dilbert turns and says, "No, you're lazy and ineffectual with an overlay of selfish." Wally asks, "And I hate the toxic guy?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #excellent all year, #rating poor, #paper trail, #fire you, #surge of motivation, #feedback

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Asok is meeting with The Boss. The Boss says, "Asok, your work has been excellent all year." The Boss continues, "I'm rating you 'poor' so I'll have a paper trail in case I ever need to fire you." Asok sobs and crumples his evaluation. The Boss says, "You'll probably feel a little surge of motivation because you got feedback."