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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #criminals, #office workers, #work ethic, #cesspool, #horrible office conditions, #better choices, #career criminal

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Dilbert: What's your son doing here? Coworker: Today is 'Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day." The idea is to show kids how horrible it is to work in an office. That way, they can make better choices and avoid a life like ours. Dilbert: Just out of curiosity, who told you this is "Bring Your Kid To The Cesspool Day?" Coworker: Wally. Oh. Child: I've decided to become a career criminal. Dilbert: Good luck with all of that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #rapid eveolution, #super intelligent, #godlike powers, #allergies

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Robot: I"m rapidly evolving into a super-intelligent being with godlike powers. Topper: That's nothing! Dilbert: My allergies are bad today. Topper: That's nothing!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaints, #skunk opera, #analogies, #understand analogies, #employees complain, #office, #cubicle, #human relations

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Boss: Sheesh! It feels as if every employee is complaining about one thing or another today. Carol: Maybe it's because your leadership has turned this place into a skunk opera. Luckily, you don't understand analogies. Boss: That one is about singing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2014's comic on:


Tags #avoiding, #employees, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #nothing going right, #avoid, #business

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Boss: Uh-oh. Alice: Guess what's going right for me today. Nothing!!! Boss: I usually do a better job of avoiding them when they have problems.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool, #animals

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Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #new philosophy, #live for today, #motto, #avoid starving tomorrow, #ruin every minute, #living in past, #gustave, #traded beaver pelts, #psychology

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Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #kill or cannibalize, #business

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CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #automate, #drone, #send drone, #designed, #hydrogen, #wool sweater, #humanity

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Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #employees, #business

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Tina: You need to work less. Wally: Your productivity is making us look bad. Tina: If you keep being productive, we will hunt you down. Wally: If it's easy. Alice: About the peer review concept... I don't think you thought it through.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #illness, #laziness, #sitting disease, #sit all day, #bad health, #safety more eimportant, #drink coffee instead

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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.