Getting Tips Comic Strips - Page 8

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307 Results for Getting Tips

View 71 - 80 results for getting tips comic strips. Discover the best "Getting Tips" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #minutes, #paid, #ripping, #evil, #corporate, #empire, #power, #secret, #myself, #nothing

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Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Hey, I haven't done a thing for minutes and yet I still get paid." Dilbert clenches his fists and thinks, "Hoo-hoo-ha! I'm ripping off the evil corporate empire and there's nothing they can do about it! I have total power!" Dilbert thinks, "I'd better keep this little secret to myself." Another employee sits in his cubicle thinking, "Hey, I'm getting paid for doing nothing!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1992's comic on:


Tags #rivers and trees, #management, #course, #exercise, #favorite, #rope, #team, #figure, #cross, #muddy, #patch, #feet, #dirty, #ranger

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An instructor says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "This next exercise is always a favorite." The instructor points to a muddy streambed and says, "Using only a rope, your team must figure out how to cross the muddy patch without getting your feet dirty." The instructor lies across the muddy patch, bound by the rope. He says, I could have been a forest ranger, but no-o-o-o . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #unmarried, #Men, #commit, #ninety, #percent, #violent, #acts, #jailed, #advance, #prevent, #atrocities, #media, #sensation, #provocative, #write, #whole, #book, #gifted

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types, "Unmarried men commit ninety percent of all violent acts. They should all be jailed in advance to prevent further atrocities." Dogbert continues typing, "And I should become a media sensation for suggesting such a provocative thing. The end." Dilbert thinks, "It's hard to write a whole book when you're as gifted as I am at getting to the point."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #show, #interview, #book, #author, #unmarried, #Men, #scum, #theory, #jailed, #crime, #beat, #system, #married

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A television talk show host says into the microphone, "My guest for today's show is Dogbert, author of the one-page book, 'Unmarried Men are Scum.'" The host says to Dogbert, "Your theory is that all unmarried men should be jailed for life, thus ending most crime." Dogbert replies, "Exactly." The host asks, "What if they try to beat the system by getting married?" Dogbert replies, "Serves 'em right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #general, #department, #government, #cover-ups, #u.f.o., #abduction, #story, #untraceable, #poison, #good, #value, #tax, #dollar, #breath, #mint

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Dilbert opens the door and sees a man in a military uniform. The general says, "I'm a General from the Department of Government Cover-ups." The man continues, "If you tell your U.F.O. abduction story to the press we'll slay you with untraceable poison." Dilbert says, "I don't think I'm getting a good value for my tax dollar here." The General asks, "Breath mint?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #date-a-base, #Women, #nice, #guy, #quotes, #donahue, #sincere, #expand, #primates

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Dogbert stands on a chair using a computer while Dilbert watches. Dogbert says, "I'll search my Date-a-Base for women who want a nice guy and don't care about looks." Dogbert says, "All I'm getting are some quotes from guests on 'Donahue,' but they don't seem sincere." Dogbert continues, "Maybe if I expand the search to include all primates . . ." Dilbert asks, "Why did you add 'don't care about looks?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1992's comic on:


Tags #christmas presents, #couch, #holidays, #shopping, #support, #Dilbert, #stressed, #eliminated, #flabmaster, #socks, #commercials, #christmas, #muscle

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A frazzled man says to Dilbert, "Normally I'm all stressed out during the holidays, but not this year." The man continues, "I eliminated my shopping stress by getting everybody the 'Flabmaster Thigh-Toning Support Socks.'" Dilbert replies, "Their commercials sound better the closer you get to Christmas." The man says, "You can build muscle just lying on the couch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #testosterone, #level, #tailgate, #problem, #trying

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Wally shows Dilbert a pickup truck and says, "Maybe it's because of my high testosterone levels, but I couldn't resist getting my pickup jacked up." Wally says, "I thought it would be more frightening to the people I tailgate." As he jumps into the truck and wiggles his legs, Wally says, "The only problem is that you can't let people see you trying to get in it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #class, #career, #options, #engineer, #retire, #major, #catastrophe, #consultants, #project, #teams, #real, #crush, #marketing, #donuts

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Dilbert says to a classroom of children, "The goal of every engineer is to retire without getting blamed for a major catastrophe." Dilbert continues, "Engineers prefer to work as 'consultants' on project teams. That way there's no real work, blame is spread across the group, and you can crush any idea from marketing!" Dilbert continues, ". . . And sometimes you get free donuts just for showing up!" The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 1993's comic on:


Tags #company, #headquarters, #plan, #employees, #offer, #deceptively, #retire, #Wally, #alice, #calculate, #cosine

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At company headquarters, someone asks, "Does anybody have a plan for getting rid of the employees?" Another person answers, "Well, they're bad at math; we could offer deceptively small sums of money to people who retire." Dilbert, Wally and Alice read copies of a document. Dilbert says, "Hey, this could be good." Wally says, "It's been a long time since I had to calculate the cosine of anything."