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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bounced back into plane, #didn't open, #false memory, #parachute, #skydiving, #tell story, #trampoline, #planted by dogbert

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Dilbert, Alice and Wally are sitting together eating lunch. Dilbert asks them, "Did I ever tell you about the time I went skydiving?" Alice replies, "That sounds like a false memory planted by Dogbert." Dilbert throws one hand in the air in denial as he says "Blah!" Dilbert says, "My parachute didn't open. Luckily, I landed on a trampoline and bounced back into the plane."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2000's comic on:


Tags #email, #addiction, #monkey on back, #resist, #key board with foot

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Asok: I have an email monkey on my back, but I can quit whenever I want. I don't need to check it every minute. I can resist. But Look! The stupid monkey hot my keyboard with his foot!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2000's comic on:


Tags #ankle, #connection, #cure is deactivate, #email monkey, #on back, #palm strapped

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CATBERT: Evil HR Director Catbert: Asok, you have a bad case of email monkey on the back. The only cure is to deactivate your internet connection. Asok: No problem, heh, heh Catbert: I know you have apple, V11 strapped to your ankle,

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cpr dummy, #lie on back, #mouth open, #your help

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Catbert says to Wally, "Wally, we can't find our CPR dummy. I need your help." Wally asks, "Finding it?" Catbert says to Wally, "Yes. Assuming you can do that while lying on your back with your mouth open."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2001's comic on:


Tags #outsourced sales, #elbonian company, #complex technology, #bad string, #call back, #mud pile

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We outsourced our sales and fulfillment functions to an Elbonian company." Wally looks at Dilbert as Dilbert asks, "Um... Are you sure that's the best way to sell complex technology?" Three Elbonians and a pig each are holding a tin can with string to their ears. One Elbonian says, "Could you call back? We have a bad string."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2001's comic on:


Tags #never thought, #organic pain, #racing toward oblivion, #self delusion, #key to happiness

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The key to happiness is self-delusion." Dobert says to Dilbert, "Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion." Dilbert says, "I've never had that thought... Until now." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me; I said don't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2001's comic on:


Tags #no opinion, #spineless, #Opinion, #unnecessary pain, #cry in public

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Dilbert and a woman are sitting at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "You don't give your opinion on anything. Are you spineless?" Dilbert says, "Maybe you create an environment in which giving an opinion is an invitation to unnecessary pain." The woman exclaims to Dilbert, "Great! You're making me cry in public!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2001's comic on:


Tags #life no purpose, #scratch back, #service to others, #feel useful, #found something, #works

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Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting by the bank of a river. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "My life has no purpose." Dogbert responds, "Scratch my back." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Are you saying the purpose of life is service to others?" Dogbert says "Okay." Dilberts says to Dogbert, "It does make me feel useful." Dogbert responds "I think we both found something that works."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2001's comic on:


Tags #Wally, #clean desk award, #clutter free desk, #back to cubicle

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The Boss hands Wally an award and says, "The Clean Desk award goes to Wally." As Wally looks at his award, The Boss continues, "Maybe Wally can share some tips on keeping our desks clutter-free." Wally looks up and responds, "I usually throw away this sort of thing in the men's room on the way back to my cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #lower costs, #retirement package, #smart employees, #rewrite mission statement, #fit better, #retired by now

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "First, we'll lower costs by offering a retirement package that induces all the smart employees to leave." The Boss continues, "Then we'll rewrite our mission statement to make it fit better." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Our new mission statement is, 'If you can read this you should have retired by now." Dogbert replies, "Ouch."