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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #gigabits, #megabits, #laughter, #fun-loving, #outside, #work

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Dilbert and three co-workers sit at a conference table. A man says, "I think it was fifty gigabits." Another man replies, "I think you mean MEGabits." They all laugh, snort and giggle. Dilbert says, "We're so fun-loving, you'd think ONE of us would have a friend outside of work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Men, #hair, #head, #combing, #grow, #ear, #clueless, #people, #employee, #meeting

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A man sits at a conference table with two co-workers. He thinks, "I'm feeling confident today with what appears to be a full head of hair." The man thinks, "Nobody suspects that I'm actually combing the hair that grows in my ears over the top of my otherwise bald head." The man thinks, "It's amazing how clueless these people are."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 1992's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #understand, #sleep, #sleep deprivation, #Food, #starve, #artificial, #deadline, #ergle, #flumg, #muddle brained, #incomprehensible, #division, #manager

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The Boss says to Tim, "I understand you've been going without sleep or food for days just to meet some artificial deadline." Tim mumbles incoherently. The Boss continues, "As a result, your work has been muddle-brained and incomprehensible. You leave me no choice, Tim." Wally says to Dilbert, "Tim got promoted to division manager." Dilbert replies, "I wonder if he knows it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #floyd, #help, #co-worker, #hate, #job, #mean, #vital, #information, #control, #secretary

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Dilbert kneels in front of Floyd's desk. Floyd yells, "What?! You think I'll help you just because I'm your co-worker?? Ha! I hate co-workers!" Dilbert begs, "All I need is . . ." Floyd yells, "I hate this job! I hate everything! The only thing I like is being mean to co-workers who need the vital information that I control!" Dilbert's underwear has been streched over his head. Another man with a wedgie says, "If you think YOU hate him, you should try being his secretary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #floyd, #co-wokers, #fed, #attitude, #kill, #dres, #quarterly, #accomplishment, #report

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Dilbert stands in front of Floyd's desk and says, "I've got to tell you, Floyd, that your co-workers are so fed up with your attitude that they asked me to . . . Uh . . . Kill you." Floyd screams, "What??!" Dilbert says, "Heh-heh . . . Of course there's no way I'd actually . . ." Floyd grabs his throat and says, "Erk! Mmph . . ." Floyd falls off his chair. Dilbert thinks, "I'm really going to have to dress this up on my quarterly accomplishment report."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #violence, #the boss, #Dilbert, #alice, #ted, #program, #humor, #kick me, #relaxed, #creative, #advantage, #situation

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The Boss hands a sign to Dilbert, Alice and Ted. The Boss says, "As part of my program to use more humor at work, I'm asking each of you to wear a 'kick me' sign." The Boss tapes a sign to Dilbert's back and says, "I'll check later to see if you're more relaxed and creative." Later, the Boss says to Alice, "You seem to be taking unfair advantage of the situation, Alice." Dilbert and two male co-workers stand covering their groins and looking like they are in pain.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #ibm, #ram, #sparc, #cpu, #lan, #ai, #avr, #bisdn, #g, #good, #work

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A man says to Dilbert, ". . . So, either an IBM 586 with 10 meg RAM or maybe a Sparc CPU on a LAN . . ." The man continues, ". . . But with AI and AVR combined with BISDN, well, it's very G." Dilbert asks, "G?" The man replies, "Good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #zombies, #squash, #creativity, #facial, #expression, #comprehension, #marketing, #fear

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Dogbert stands in front of an audience and says, "The successful zombie knows how to squash the creativity of co-workers." Dogbert points to a picture of a man with bags under his eyes and says, "When you hear a new idea, adopt a facial expression which conveys both fear and an utter lack of comprehension." Dogbert continues, "Those of you who work in marketing only need to add the fear part." Someone asks, "Why is that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #patent, #co workers

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Alice asks, "Dilbert, would you add my name to your patent application?" Dilbert asks, "Why should I?" Alice replies, "I would consider upgrading your status from 'co-worker' to 'friend I never see outside of work.'" Dilbert asks, "Would we eat lunch together?" Alice replies, "No, but I'll pencil you in and cancel at the last minute."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 1993's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #man, #benefits, #union

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I just love hiring these temporary workers!" The Boss carries a man over his shoulder. The Boss continues, "No employee benefits . . . No union . . . Just toss 'em in the dumpster when you're done with them!" Dilbert says, "The dumpster seems a bit inappropriate." The Boss replies, "They're way too big to flush."