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Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dogbert says, "I don't quite understand what scientific principle you intend to discover with a bowl of soup and a necktie." Dilbert waves his tie back and forth as he explains, "I'm testing the strange attraction between staining liquids and new ties." The bowl of soup flies across the table and spills on Dilbert's tie. Dogbert says, "I wonder how Newton missed this little gravitational oddity." Dilbert replies, "He didn't wear a necktie."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my new poem?" Dogbert replies, "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare." Dilbert asks, "But what about MY poem?" Dogbert replies, "Three monkeys, ten minutes."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert reads the newspaper and asks, "What do you think about this new Soviet policy of openness?" Dogbert replies, "Actually, I'm not even sure that Gorbachev exists." Dogbert continues, "Guess I'm just kinda 'glasnostic.'" Dilbert says, "I shouldn't let you drink coffee."
Dilbert sits at the table reading the newspaper. Dogbert asks, "Which would you prefer: winning a million bucks or getting hit in the lips with a dead mole while you sleep?" Dilbert replies, "Uh . . . The money." Dogbert says, "Well, that's too bad, because you didn't win a million bucks." Dilbert turns toward the reader and says, "That's the kind of hypothetical question that can keep you up all night."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table playing Scrabble. As Dogbert arranges his letters on the game board, Dilbert asks, "What the heck is 'jequirity?'" Dogbert replies, "You know - the poisonous, red and black seed of the Indian Licorice plant. Want to challenge?" Dilbert replies, "No. At least this one has vowels." Dogbert says, "That's 704 for me."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table listening to a tape player. Dilbert says, "I do NOT snore, and I do NOT believe you made this recording of me last night." Animal-like sounds come from the tape player. Dilbert looks at a cassette box and says, "In fact, this tape box says 'National Geographic's Songs of the Whale.'" Dogbert says, "So, you admit that even National Geographic can't tell the difference between your snoring and a twenty-ton kelp-scarfing mammal."
Dogbert stands at a table wearing a chef's hat. He says to Dilbert, "You're just in time to taste my new cake." Dilbert says, "Yum." Dilbert eats the cake and says, "Great cake, but shouldn't it have frosting?" Dogbert replies, "Oh no! Frosting is very bad for you." Dilbert walks away saying, "Gee, I never knew that frosting was bad for me." Dogbert says, "That's why I licked it all off."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table playing Scrabble. Dogbert arranges his letters and says, "That spells 'neans.' Five points for me." Dilbert says, "'Neans' is NOT a word, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "I know, but I need to get rid of some n's." Dilbert says, "The n's don't justify the 'neans.'" Dogbert says, "I just wanted to hear you say that."